Are You The Single Parent Of A Teenager?

If you are divorced or widowed, or a single parent who raised on a child by yourself from birth, you know that being a single parent is tough. If you are the single parent of a teenager, you have a lot more to think about.

As your teenager matures, they become more independent. They spend more time away from home in extra curricular activities, with friends and eventually driving a car and going on dates.

All of these things may be a concern to any parent, but when you can’t be home much during the day or even in the evening, you are counting on your child to be honest and stay on track.

And that is a lot to expect of a teen during those years when they are tempted to experiment, and their hormones are playing havoc with their brains. However, there are a few things you can do to make your life easier:

First, engage any support network or friends or family you may have. If you know and trust the parents of your child’s friends, ask them for help for starters. That doesn’t mean you expect them to take on your parental responsibilities. It simply means that, if you have to work late, perhaps those parents will agree to feed your child dinner and give them a safe environment in which to do homework, etc. You can pick your child up on the way home and return the favor to these parents by having their child stay overnight at your house on a weekend when they want to go out and need to know where their child is and what they are doing.

Ask sisters, brothers and grandparents to call and check in on your child if she is home alone. Without interrogating the child, ask them to ask casually what they are doing, whether they have eaten, and if their homework is done. Studies show that even latch key kids without parental supervision do better in school and socially if they know that there is someone checking on them – someone who cares. A random visit during the afternoon or evening as your brother swings home from work is not a bad idea either. “I’m just stopping by to drop something off for your Dad”. You can come up with something.

Talk to your child about the fact that you can’t be there all the time and let them know what you expect. Ground rules are important. Homework is done first, before they play video games, etc. Lock down dangerous websites on your computer and, if your child is MORE computer literate than you are, get a computer literate person at work to teach you how to check and monitor your child’s browsing history so you can see where they are going on the internet. Again, let your child know your expectations.

Give your child chores to do to earn money or to earn favors (like going out with friends on a Saturday night) to keep them busy while you are gone. Laundry, vacuuming, walking the dog, making dinner, whatever you need done. Remember, you are a team!

Try to get your child involved in sports, or after school activities and exchange favors with other parents to get your child to games or practices if your child is not yet driving. Structured activities provide discipline and give your child something to do to stay out of trouble.

KNOW your child’s friends. As your child matures, they are exposed to more people and their circle of friends may change from when they were in elementary school or middle school. Get to know these kids and if you have a concern about their influence, watch things very carefully and make a move if you must.

Above all, make time to talk to your child and do things together when you ARE home. Don’t just sit in front of the TV. Go to a movie, go shopping, take him out to lunch and talk. Ask questions gently, and don’t demand information. Find out what they are interested in now, as they grow and mature. Stay in touch. Call from work to chat on a break. Leave notes, schedule special dinners or outings to do things you both enjoy.

The biggest problem a single parent has is finding time to do everything that must be done. But, if you grow away from your child during these critical years, you will have a problem. Teenagers have a natural tendency to bottle up feelings and stop communicating, as they struggle with new feelings and begin to recognize that you don’t ‘know it all’ as a parent.