Adult ADD: Scheduling In Fun Makes Stronger Relationships

When you’re having a relationship issue, very often it’s that push and pull. Whether you're ADD or not, you may be trying to get somebody to do something that’s really abstract, like expressing words you want to hear or performing some action they can’t understand. So, you’ve got to be extremely clear and measurable, though your ADD can sometimes make you gloss over details the other person needs to get the picture.

Don't be frustrated, just ask people what they need, specifically.

Maybe they need you to pick up your clothes. Can you work that out? We've talked about many ADD-friendly solutions in other articles. But the point is, you’ll get an answer that’s very clear if you just simply ask. That is probably one of the most powerful things that you can do to smooth out relationships and it’s so easy to do.

If you’re talking about things like friendships—when you have ADD, it may make you anxious because you don’t know what to get someone for his or her birthday. Instead of letting that ADD feeling get to you, just say, “Hey, what’s your favorite type of thing to get for your birthday?”

The second piece of that is you have to listen and take in what they say because their opinion is their opinion and they are telling exactly the answer to the question. People with ADD sometimes find it hard to do that. But it's important. You don’t get to edit, change, argue, judge, or decide that that’s not the right answer, because it is the right answer. It’s the answer that you asked for. Listen and execute on that answer. Don't let your ADD stop you.

There is visual, auditory, and kinesthetic words and ways of processing information. If you have ADD, use that principle in relationships.

You might add a whole a list of words that are directly identifiable to the person that you are in this relationship with, and you can just pull out that pad of paper where you wrote all those words down about how they think and how they process information because they probably don't have ADD. You need to understand how their non-ADD brains work and simply and immediately start using those words in your sentences. Sound simple? It is. Forget your ADD. It’s really that simple.

For example, when you're trying to explain something, do your absolute best to really explain things in extremely visual terms. Get your ADD brain to focus on the situation and "see" it. Then, just explain what you see. Every single time you do, you'll have a much clearer and easier time talking. Your non-ADD partner will understand what you're saying, and everything works out just fine. When you don’t think about that, sometimes you have miscommunication.

Another thing that I think is really important for smooth ADD/non-ADD relationships, whether it’s in business or personal, is that you schedule time and structure time to talk about things, to spend some time together, or to connect in some way. If it’s with a personal relationship, that could mean date time. If it’s a business relationship that could mean a staff meeting.

The point is you’ve got to do it with regularity so that you get good at these things. This is also going back to asking what they need. This is a leadership skill as well. You don’t ever give a project to somebody without asking what they need to be able to finish the project. It works the exact same way. The regularity of the time that you schedule to have healthy relationships is also really important.

Especially in romantic and personal relationships, scheduling at least weekly date time is extremely important. Every Friday night or whatever it is, go out and just do something fun. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It could be as simple as renting a movie, but doing something that you can do together that you can both enjoy and have a good time for no other purpose than to do something together and have a good time!