Leaving The Wounded Relationship Tribe

In order to better understand the complexity of human relationships, it is helpful to understand the workings of the tribal mind. All of us are born into a “tribal mentality” of various forms. These include our family unit, religious background, country of origin, ethnicity, etc. The tribal mentality involves our spirit in specific thought forms held by the group; it effectively marinates an individual in the tribe’s beliefs, ensuring that all believe the same. The structure of reality—what is and is not possible for the members of the group—is thus agreed upon and maintained. While the tribal mentality has definite benefits in terms of establishing common ground and ensuring group survival, it is not a conscious agreement. At a certain stage in our evolution, both personally and collectively, the tribal mentality must be challenged.

As a species, we have become incredibly dishonorable. We don't think twice about breaking vows or promises. We can't even keep our word to ourselves anymore. I'm hoping that people will begin to recognize the need for a personal honor code independent of the tribe. We need to learn how to treat everyone—regardless of tribal affiliation—with absolute honor.

Every one of us is plugged into the tribal mind. We finance the belief patterns of the tribe by directing a percentage of our life force into maintaining our affiliation with the tribe. What that means from an energetic point of view is that our individual energetic circuits go into prolonging the life force of the tribe to which we belong. This involves an implicit agreement to think like the tribe thinks, to evaluate situations and people the way the tribe does, and to believe in right and wrong according to tribal values and tribal ambitions. As long as the tribal mentality remains unexamined and transparent to awareness, we unwittingly subject others to our tribal laws.

When we are plugged into tribal thought forms, we can easily believe in nonsensical prejudices held by the tribe. Examples of this in our world are obvious. Tribal mentality allows us to hold a position or attitude about an entire group of people: “All fat people are lazy,” or “all Irish are drunks,” for example. A tribal thought form may have no truth to it whatsoever, but individuals hold to such beliefs because that perspective is what the tribe has agreed to believe. Innocent children, born into the hatred and prejudice of their parents and ancestors, grow up inside a tribal mentality that sponsors the endless march toward war. People grow up hating other people—people they have never seen—based on group affiliation. This is the shadow side of the tribe.

Inevitably, some among us come to a point where we want to break out of the tribal mentality. This is inevitable because the nature of consciousness pushes us to evolve. At some point, the individual wants to explore, develop, and manage his or her own consciousness without the limitations of the tribal mind. It is easy to spot these mavericks when they start to question and unplug from tribal mentality—they hang out on the periphery looking bored and restless, or whimsical and dreamy. Others will act out the agitated hot-head as they challenge tribal ways.

What often triggers the dark night of the soul for an individual is just this tribal revolution. We get to the point where we think, “I want to make decisions on my own. I want to manage my own perceptions, my own emotions, and my own choices.” But the assumption of the tribal mind is that everybody loves being part of the tribe. And in many ways, we do. Knowing where and to whom we “belong” is crucial to our self-concept and sense of safety in the world. When we begin the real deep journey of questioning, “What do I believe?” and start to individuate from the tribe, we often enter a dark night of the soul. It is, by necessity, a passage we take alone.

It's one thing to reject what we don't want to believe anymore. But that doesn't necessarily mean we automatically and always know what we do believe. All we know as we enter the dark night is that we can't go back—even when the tribe is the only world we’ve ever known. At this inevitable point in our development, the tribe doesn't feel right anymore. It no longer offers us comfort, and that previously comforting feeling of familiarity begins to feel like a trap.

This dark night passage pushes us to look at our false gods—the belief patterns we've become invested in and to which we have given our spirit and life force. For example, think about all of the superstitions or attitudes held within the thought forms of society at large that find us trembling and afraid of God. The whole notion that “God will punish you if you misbehave” can be seen as a widespread tribal thought form. Most of our notions about God, including the idea that God is a biological figure who looks like us, are patterns of belief that come into question as we pass through the dark night.

If you want more direct contact, a more direct line to God, ask for it. God will say, “Okay fine, you'll get that. But here's the thing – we're going to change the world you came from and you’ll have to leave that world behind.” That is the dark night of the soul. It begins with a decent into what I call ‘necessary madness.’