Divorce - On The Horns Of A Dilemma

For a couple of years now, divorce rates have been showing a steep decline in the UK. Although it sounds positive, this isn’t an actual representation of the true picture. Comparing the divorce and marriage rates, it clearly shows that the number of divorces have increased when compared to the number of marriages. That leaves us with a question now. Why do people divorce?

If these people knew and lived with each other happily before marriage and proudly declared ‘I do’, what is it about married life that has now made them say ‘I don’t’? It is time for some introspection.

Today the world seems to be travelling at a very fast pace. In a time where change seems to be the buzzword, living with the same partner seems to drain the excitement from most of us.

As we fight our day out, we undergo a lot of stress at work. At times, we don’t find sufficient time to spend or reconcile with our spouse; causing an increase in the divorce percentage. In some cases extreme stress, and a lack of opportunity to vent it, can turn a person physically or mentally abusive towards his or her spouse, leading to dire consequences.

Recent studies indicate that adultery has become common in marriages, leading to family break-ups. Other major reasons for divorce include: financial problems, decline in the interest for sex in the spouse and ego clashes.

Sometimes, the divorced partners seek to reunite due to a variety of reasons. Love might become conspicuous by the other person’s absence.

In some cases, people might hold the spouse to be responsible for a problem or unpleasant situation, resorting to divorce. However, when they realise that divorce hasn’t solved the problem and they might have been better off with the support of their spouse, they might resort to reuniting.

In some, couple might try out other relationships unsuccessfully making them realize that their former spouse is the only one with whom they could always lead a happy and secured life.

When the marriage has failed the first time, can it withstand the problems the second time around after a re-union? The answer is both yes and no. It simply depends on the couple. If they possess the willingness and interest to work on the relationship, then there is a higher possibility of the marriage working out better because, unlike the first time when they did not know what to expect out of the marriage, this time they have a clear picture of what to expect and what not to.

However, some people just want to stay married or try to work it out for the sake of their deep love alone. But when neither the people nor the attitude has changed, so would the problems, which might again lead to a divorce. Love alone cannot make a relationship work. By remarrying the same person just for love without making any amends to their mind-set or behaviour, history can repeat itself.

Divorce is mostly painful considering the amount of mental and financial stress that the whole family goes through. Hence it becomes necessary to first try out amicable means of making the marriage work.

In the first place, a good marriage counsellor can help to sort the differences out. If that doesn’t work, they can go in for a separation. This would give a feel about life after divorce while providing the option to go back in their decision saving a lot of money.

If they feel the separation is going to be too long, the couple might consult their lawyers; draft an agreement regarding the arrangement for the children and sharing of financial assets.

UK is rich in its traditional and family values. A happy family is the healthy place for a child to grow and parents are responsible for this. However, if marriage fails after every possible option is tried in vain, and the couple want to carry on with their lives, divorce is the only resort. But care needs to be taken on handling the divorce. The couple could discuss and get to an amiable agreement on all the arrangements and avoid the constant arguments and fights in front of their children which could in a lot of ways affect their behaviour. After all, our family values needs to be carried to the future generations and these children are vital players in it.