Are You Thinking About Divorce – So Why Did You Marry?

With the increasing complexity of life in modern society, all interpersonal relations are exposed to varied levels of stress and possible terminations. Marriage is the most vulnerable institution that is exposed to influences by the vagaries of life. According to the Reuters news agency one in five UK couples is on the verge of a divorce. There are multiple reasons which contribute to this overall divorce rate. However, if we go by a BBC survey, extra-marital affairs are responsible for twenty seven percent of divorces all across the UK. Men are three times more likely to be adulterous than women. It is not that extra-marital relationships are a recent phenomenon, the shift has come in the level of acceptance of women towards their spouses’ amorous flings.

With the rise in the status of women, in a broad social and economic context, they are no more willing to accept less than one hundred percent commitment from their husbands. But the male attitude seems to change at a very less than desirable rate so far as acknowledging women as equal social entities are concerned. Failure on the part of the male ego to recognize and validate the altered status of contemporary women, and open defiance on the part of the women to male sexual hegemony, leads to enhanced rates of divorce. The fact that 93%of the times it is women who has petitioned for divorce testifies to the fact that modern women no more look towards marriage as the sole source of security.

Another potent reason for escalating divorce rates is the gradual establishment of altered standards of morality which have deviated sharply from the usual and accepted sources of anchoring, such as: tradition, religion and the church. This has both its advantages and disadvantages. In light of the fact that modern relationships are not static but pulsating systems which constantly need to be repaired and worked upon, the presence of an outside source of cohesion, be it religion or tradition helps a lot. This offers a stable platform for the couples to move ahead with their relationship. In the present scenario, with the secularization of society and values, people are no longer willing to carry on with a rotten deal in the name of tradition, especially women who are consciously aware of their bargaining powers and are no longer willing to turn a blind eye on a contract that has been broken.

Family strains may also affect the balance which in three out of four cases involves families of women. This is indicative of a shift from patriarchal preferences towards female emancipation. Physical, sexual and emotional abuse, predominantly of women is one big cause responsible for the increase in the divorce rates. Society no longer prefers to hush-up these instances in the name of decency and social sensitivity. A more open society accepts open discussion regarding these issues and abuse has become one big reason for divorce. Other factors which can be implicated in the causation of divorce are midlife crises, addictions and work holism. People tend to work for longer hours and work has become a major constituent of individual identity which may dilute the importance given to old world family values. High levels of stress may result in addictions that in turn jeopardize the marital life of people involved.

The ease with which divorces can be procured, has lead to a considerable lack of faith in the institution of marriage. An appreciable number of divorcees tend to remarry; however, the relevant data is not easily available. If we take the reason for a particular divorce to be a major flaw in the personality of the individual or the individuals involved, it can safely be concluded that the second marriage will not turn out to be a bed of roses. Relationships need to be constantly worked upon and demand ample patience and tolerance on the part of the individuals. Thus, a divorce may sometimes turn out to be an easy way out, especially in an affluent and open society like the UK. In this scenario, prenuptial agreements have become fairly common. People are no longer willing to cherish and honour the existing ideal,”till death do us part”. Alternate social remedies like trial separation and marital counselling can go a long way in saving marriages. They provide the requisite time and space to the spouses to take a fresh and impartial stock of the situation. Live-in relationships are another option which give time and space to the individuals to think about the possibility of an eventual marriage.

But, ultimately, it is always about commitment and patience. People should be willing to adjust as per contemporary values and at the same time should have considerable strength of character to ensure a long lasting relationship.