What Women Want: A Five Point Guide For Men

What women want may surprise you. At least once a day, as a dating coach and a columnist, I get an email from a guy somewhere begging for an answer to this most frequently asked question by men: "What do women want?"

The question of what women want comes from a genuine confusion in many men. What most people already know is that men and women think in very different ways. And how those different thinking patterns are demonstrated gets some couples in trouble. Men like action activities; women like to sit and talk. When you are planning a date, if you want to please her, try and combine both such as lunch and a walk in the park. Another example of the different ways men and women think is that men perceive working long days and even on weekends as a way to show their success or love. Women, however, may see that behavior as neglect. There are many other examples where men and women get their signals crossed.

If you have ever been at a loss for understanding what women want, here is a five point guide:

1. Being Number One

All women want to be Number One. Just ask Cinderella, Cleopatra, Miss Piggy, or any other well-known female icon. They want to know that they come first in a man’s order of priorities. They want to feel that their boyfriend or husband will choose them over every other activity or relationship. If your girl knows this, she won’t mind when your mother, child, friend, or co-worker calls and asks for help. What she won’t understand is if you have dinner with your Ex on occasion, or drop your plans with her and go have beer with the guys instead, or, never take time to ask about her day because you watch the sports channel every minute you are at home. Being Number One is the Number One desire of most women.

2. Keeping Your Word

Women want a man who keeps his word...in his relationships, his work, and in all aspects of life. If you promised her the world (Disney World, that is) then you'd better give it to her. If you don't do what you will say you will, she won't trust you. Without trust, your relationship doesn't mean anything. Keep your agreements. If you can’t, tell her so (preferably, beforehand) and tell her how you plan to rectify it. More importantly, don’t make promises you can’t keep.

3. Listening

Women want a man who listens. I know you are tired of hearing about this one, but it is central to a relationship. She wants to be heard. Listen to her. Apparently, this is difficult for most men to do. Sitting down and talking is not something you are naturally wired for. But you can learn. Further, it’s impossible to have intimate or important conversations with dogs barking, kids crying, or phones ringing. If your girl is trying to talk to you, handle any emergencies, turn off the cell phone and TV, and give her your full attention. If you do, you will make her feel that she matters.

4. Believing Her

Women want to be believed by men. Men tend to be (or think they are) more analytical than women. Therefore, when she speaks, and is trying to tell you something important, you may have a tendency to dismiss it. If you know how to balance your brain with your heart, and listen with kindness, you will find that what she has to say is relevant to your life with her. If you are with someone you don’t trust, then her words will have no affect on you. (And you should be asking yourself why you are there.) But if you love and trust her—then believe her.

5. Doing What She Asks

Women want you to do what they ask at crucial times. She doesn't expect you to "fix" everything, but there are times when her requests call for action. I know, I know—some of you are probably smirking by now. But if you implement what she says, you will have an extremely happy partner. This statement assumes that you are with a good person; that she is rational most of the time; that she does not ask the impossible or the ridiculous of you; and that she is equally giving. Some men find this hard to do because they feel that to do this, they are being a wimp. Believe me, she wants you to have backbone. And there is every opportunity in all parts of your life to exercise that quality. She isn't asking for you to give up anything. She is asking to be heard and cared about. If you trust her character and if she tells the truth…do what she asks.

Go on and try these suggestions. If you are with a happy lady…you are going to be a happy man. This is what women want.