When Women Have Adult ADD

Maybe you were shocked to learn that you had ADD when you took your child for an evaluation. The truth is that ADD runs in families. There's a 25 - 35% likelihood that if you have ADD, your child may have it, too. You can't feel bad about it and be depressed because you think that your son or daughter has ADD because of you. That kind of thinking is just depressing. On the other hand, you may have been relieved to learn that the feelings you'd had since childhood were actually ADD. You could finally put a label to it. Take a positive attitude and focus on your strengths and weaknesses. By doing this, you'll be on the path to ADD success for both you and your child.

Women who are married with children find that ADD can be particularly stressful. Since the woman is expected, in most households, to be responsible for organization. When ADD causes you to be less organized than society expects, this can promote feelings of guilt and intense frustration.

You might find these tips helpful:

Business, just by its very nature has certain structures, and if you have ADD, this probably helps you because you know what to expect next. But at home, this is totally not the case, unless you make it so. Try to make some simple scheduling there, and especially if you work outside your home, it will tend to make your home life less overwhelming.

Delegate some of that housework to your partner, if they don't already chip in and do some of it for you. If your kids are at least 5, you can give them simple chores to do, too, like setting the table. Don't feel guilty about making your kids work, either. They need to have a way to learn responsibility. They also need to learn the value of money, and if you give them an allowance for the work they do, you'll be accomplishing three things: You're alleviating some of your own burden, you're teaching your kids responsibility, and you're also teaching them the value of money.

Then, decide what you're still responsible for doing and schedule it all into some kind of planner. Make sure you have access to it 24/7. It can be paper or electronic. Just be sure you can keep it with you most of the day, every day. Make Mondays your dusting day, Tuesday can be laundry day. Wednesday might be grocery shopping day or whatever suits you. Once you have written everything down, it won't look as bad as it did in your mind's eye when you were thinking about all that you had to do. Plus, you won't have to worry about forgetting anything because it will be written down and you'll have it front of you at all times.

Another good way to structure your day a bit is to wake up and go to bed at the same times every day. Have your meals and snacks at the same time. Play with your kids at the same time, and so on. Your whole life shouldn't be slave to ritual, but adding some structure will keep you less frantic over what comes next. If you work, this can be particularly true. Maybe try to have "dinner out" one night, "family fun" night, "study" night, or whatever. Putting some scheduling into your otherwise haphazard day may help you to feel better.

Some people with ADD also have anger management issues. When all hell is breaking loose around you--the kids are fighting, the dog's barking, and you're just trying to get dinner on the table--don't take it out on the kids. That's just bad for everyone concerned.

Of course, we can't always be in control. So, take preventive steps. Ask someone else to watch the kids while you're trying to cook, and make it enjoyable, rather than a circus. Or, don't cook at all! You just might be able to afford to have your meals catered in, when you consider how much it costs in gas to go to the store, to come home and prepare the food, and the time it takes. It might be much more efficient and less expensive to have someone else do that stuff when you're busy.

But if you're just a chef at heart, or you can't afford to have meals catered or to eat out often, then prepare the meals while your kids are in school, or at least the hard parts, and just take them out, ready to go when the family is ready to eat. If you're a single parent, you might also consider hiring a babysitter when you're doing something that needs complete concentration from you. It can be cooking or a big project for work. Just because you're at home working doesn't mean you can't use a babysitter sometimes. Just think of all the ways you can help yourself, and you're sure to come up with an ADD-friendly system that will work for you.

Still, when you feel like you want to burst, walk away, into another room for a while, until you can control your emotions. Don't allow these situations to spin out of control. They'll only serve to make you feel worse if you give into them.

Women who have ADD often struggle with substance abuse, too, but the worst part of it all is that they tend to hide their dependencies from other people. Sure, drugs, alcohol, food, and any other addiction are rationalized ways to "help" your condition. You feel that your self-medicating, but you're just making yourself more miserable. If you have these issues, consult a professional immediately. Doctors and counselors can help you find ways to deal with ADD that won't destroy your family and your self-esteem.

The worst thing you can do is to blame yourself for having ADD. It's not your fault. You did nothing to inherit ADD. It just is. And maybe you're lucky, right? I mean, you can think faster than most people on the planet. You're able to do lots of things at once, and you're probably very, very smart. Focus on those qualities and use ADD to its best advantages.

ADD is nothing to be depressed about. In fact, figure out what your strengths are and it can make you very happy. You're probably highly intelligent and can do many things at once. You can hyperfocus on tasks that you really enjoy doing and come out with something far superior to the average Jane. Discover your personal pitfalls, and work on ADD-friendly systems to overcome them. You may need professional help to do that, and if you do... ask for it! That will be the first step on your road to making your life happier and in sending your self-esteem through the proverbial roof.