The Three R's - How To Handle A Tantrum By Maureen Arnold At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

Tantrums - the bane of the parenting world - need not be quite as feared as they have been in the past. Why? Parenting in the last several years has undergone a quiet revolution, a revolution that, while evincing a truly valuable outcome, has gone largely unnoticed in the general population.

What is the gist of the parenting revolution? Understanding. Understanding what makes our children tick, what makes them act and behave the way they do, which in turn leads to more effective parenting skills and tools for the rest of us.

One of the blocks in this revolutionary foundation of understanding is the 3 R's of tantrum control. The 3 R's are Reiteration, Request and Repetition. How exactly does this work? It's actually VERY simple, and will dramatically change your toddler's response to stressful situations.

So let's jump right into a typical meltdown. Two year old Johnny wants an ice-cream sandwich at 9 am, and he has not even eaten his breakfast yet. Mommy says no. Johnny immediately flings himself to the floor in frustration and proceeds to cry and scream that he wants ice-cream while Mommy stands there staring in resignation at the crumpled little ball of emotion on the kitchen floor.

Sound familiar? I thought so. Let's change the scenario a little bit. Two year old Johnny still wants ice-cream for breakfast. Mommy knows Johnny cannot have ice-cream for breakfast, but instead of saying no, Mommy remembers the three R's of tantrum control, because she knows what is coming when she says no. Instead, Mommy says to Johnny, "You want ice-cream for breakfast?" Johnny says "Ice cream!" Mommy says, "You want ice-cream for BREAKFAST?" This will continue until she knows that Johnny knows that she understands what he wants. This is Reiteration. This is repeating the "order" that your child has given you until you are sure that they get that YOU get it.

Next, Mommy moves on to the second R - Request. This is where Mommy puts in HER request, now that Johnny knows she understands him. Mommy says to Johnny, "I understand that you want ice-cream for breakfast, but you need to eat a banana instead." At this point, Johnny is much more likely to acquiesce to Mommy's request because he knows that Mommy understands what he wants.

At first, Mommy may need to revert back to step one a few times (Repetition), as well, to get through to Johnny that she understands. Toddlers can be pretty thick, especially when they are frustrated, which is the ultimate emotion behind a tantrum. It may take several repetitions before your toddler understands that you GET IT, and that they are being heard.

The key to the three R's is making sure your frustrated little guy or gal understands that you ARE hearing their request. Another great way to head off tantrums during the day is to make a few requests of your toddler that they can say no or yes to and win no matter what the answer is - that way they feel like they get what they want many times anyway. A little understanding and help from the parents can go a long way toward making your toddler feel valued and heard in his world of giants.

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