Toy Boys And Gals

A friend of ours is moving in with her young stud. Lucky girl. She is in her thirties and he is in his twenties. The age gap is not so great as to be obscene but whilst we are used to seeing an older man with a younger woman, we're not so comfortable with it the other way round. In fact, the older woman is not sure whether to be embarrassed or victorious when breaking the news to her girlfriends.

So are there any disadvantages to a match such as this? Should she be concerned that he will leave her for a younger woman when she is in her forties or fifties? Or should her greatest concern be that they are at different stages in their lives? Are their priorities too different? He is still building his career and she is on top of hers. She only has a short period of time left to have a baby but is he too young to be starting a family? Does he really want to feel like a sperm donor at The Last Chance Saloon?

She is not alone in this dilemma. Most of our thirty-something girlfriends go out with younger men. They're the only men out there, they say. Or are they just going to the wrong places? My best friend and I can only seem to pull younger men (or men over 60 but we won't make an issue out of that.) We love youthful enthusiasm but are not so keen on the acne. So where are all the other men? At home with their wives, still in the office, in lap dancing bars?

Some of our men told us that they felt pressure from thirty-something women to have children before they were ready and that this is one of the reasons that they go out with younger women; the baby thing is not yet an issue with twenty-year old women. I wonder if, when these women get older, they will just be traded in for a younger model. Whereas younger men say this is one of the reasons they prefer older women, women in their forties, there's no pressure to have kids.

So why else do men like younger women? These are some of the reasons our men gave; younger women have pert, firmer bodies, they are less likely to have baggage in the shape of kids and ex-husbands, they are more easily impressed (interesting, will investigate further), they are more fun and carefree, they keep you feeling young, the relationship is more light-hearted and you are not seen as a prospective marriage candidate. By the way guys, this is not true; every man is assessed for his suitability, it is just that when you are twenty and deem a man unsuitable as a husband and father, you might have other more pressing uses for him! Most of these reasons imply that men are just reluctant to grow up; it is something some of them put off almost indefinitely.

And what does a young woman get out of a more mature man? Someone who can think of something more than beer and football? (Never going to happen). Security? Money? Power? We know that it is practically the law for every rich bloke to have a sports car in his driveway and a very young, cosmetically-enhanced girl by his side, Well, she might not be that young, it is sometimes hard to tell after surgery. Is it true that there is no such thing as an ugly rich man?

I had a relationship with a man 10 years older. The age gap didn't seem to make that much difference at the start. Although I admit that the first time he took his clothes off, I expected to be faced with a wrinkly, dried up old man. He wasn't, of course, he was only in his thirties! We had no similar points of reference. We had grown up in different decades. He was already very set in his ways and prone to falling asleep on the sofa after dinner - just like my Dad- and the longer we spent together, the wider the age gap seemed to get. Doomed? Not necessarily.

So back to older ladies and younger men. Marriage statistics now tell us that in the UK, the trend seems to be turning in favour of the older woman and the younger man. Is our friend enjoying some of the most energetic, if not most polished, sex of her life? And what does he get out of it? Someone to look after him, to mother him? A confidant woman, happy in her skin? (If one of these exists, please let me know who you are!) Someone who doesn't need to be looked after? Sex from someone who knows exactly what they are doing and what they want?

Or does age just not matter at all if you are in love? All together now, aahh.