Successful Online Dating

1. Be honest about yourself and don't pretend to be something you're not.

It's quite natural to want to impress the people we contact on online personals sites. Everyone wants to make a good first impression and put their best foot forward. Unfortunately some of us seem to forget that the whole purpose of online dating is to eventually meet some of the people we send private messages to. There's certainly nothing wrong with a little self exaggeration, but don't ever be tempted to make a pretense of who you are, or tell any lies. You will eventually be found out. Always remember that the people you meet on a dating site will have an expectation of who you are, based entirely on the information you give them.

Many years ago my very first experiment with internet dating was a total disaster. I had clearly specified the age, build, main turn off and smoking behaviour of the type of person I wanted to meet. That person was to be within 5 years either way of my age, slim (because I was.... then), not interested in pubs and clubs (because I'm not) and didn't care whether or not I smoked (because all those years ago I did).

To cut a long story short. We agreed to meet at a club location. The person I met was evidently a frequent patron of the club, being greeted by most of the staff by name. Said person was at least 10 years older than me, refused to enter any smoking area of the club and outweighed me by a ratio of at least 2 to 1. So my date for the evening scored a big fat zero on the four ‘meeting’ characteristics that were important to me. I was the absolute decorum of good manners that night, determined to see the evening through and put the whole thing down to experience. I wasn't so accommodating two (reflective) days later when this person phoned and asked me out on a second date. To put it mildly...... they received a well deserved telling off.

My second and third internet dates went pretty well. These two people describing themselves more or less accurately. Not so, date number four. An out and out liar this one. The photo posted with their ad must have been at least twenty years out of date.

Quickly resolved. And to quote my exact words. "Why have you lied to me about your age and appearance?.... Get a life." With that I simply turned around and walked away. Funny, I'd never seen anyone turn bright crimson before.... or since. There were only three more dates after that. I married (and I'm still happily married to) date number seven.

2. If you're serious about online dating include a photo in your ad.

I've never quite been able to understand why some people seem so reluctant to include photos in their ads. Perhaps they think they're unattractive, too old or young, too big or small, too tall or short, or goodness knows what else. Probably the real reason is that they're embarrassed and don't want other people they know to see them advertising themselves on a dating site.

Here's the solution to both of these problems.

Fact. The most important of all human senses is sight. People like to communicate with other people visually and find it difficult, or even impossible, to communicate intimately with someone they cannot see. Online dating by it's very nature is an intimate experience. If you don't include a photo with your ad other members will not be able to connect with you at this psychological level simply because they can't visualize who you are. Don't kid yourself that a well thought out, carefully written description of yourself will compensate for not having a photo in your ad. It won't.

A few months ago I wrote several test ads spread across three age ranges. The ads included no photos and were online for exactly 30 days. These ads received a total of 9 'virtual kisses' and only 2 'private messages' from other members during this time. Neither of the members who responded had placed a photo in their ads and neither of them were the type of person I had specified I wanted to meet. To continue the experiment I kept the ads online for another 30 days, the only change made was to include a photo of myself in the ads (I'm a bit overweight and average looking). During this second thirty days I received a total of 204 'virtual kisses' and 82 individual private messages from other members wanting to introduce themselves. The message is clear. Photos work.

The further good news is this. The photo I eventually included in my ads was of me wearing a hat and sunglasses. No way on earth could anyone anywhere, not even my own mother, identify me from that photo. I'm not suggesting for a moment that members disguise themselves in their photos or in any way degrade the quality of their images. And you'll do a lot better if you don't. What I am saying is do yourself a big favour and include a photo. And any photo is better than none at all.

3. Be an individual, not just a member of the pack.

It's easy to stand out in a crowd! This doesn't mean to be better than any other dating service member. It simply means to be different, and to appeal to those members who identify with those differences. Here's some examples of what we mean.

A) I stroked a lion once.
B) Have you climbed Mt Everest?
C) I'm feeling sad.
D) I can say the alphabet backwards.
E) My feet itch all the time.
F) I hate green cars.
G) Was married for 17 years. God it's scary out here.

These are leading lines. I included one of them in each of the previously mentioned test ads. Following are the nine replies received from members who responded to the single ad that included the statement "I stroked a lion once."

Did it smell?
Funny. You don't look that stupid.
Only once. What happened, did you die?
Yeah! Pull the other one.
So what. I'm a lion tamer as well.
Ho hum, bored were you.
I didn't think lions could join dating sites.
You're not for me. I don't use drugs.
It's unhygienic to touch dead animals.

All of us have done or can imagine, slightly crazy or emotional things. They make great conversation starters. The absurdity appeals to other people. That's all it takes to make you stand out and be unusual and special in some way. Mix a couple of crazies or emotional elements in with your dating description and you will be well on your way to dating success.

Be honest, include a photo and be a little bit different is the best advice we can give anyone for successful online dating.