Adult Add: What's Your Relationship Quotient

When people use the word "relationship," it's often to used to refer to romantic relationships. But relationships actually develop with anyone you communicate with--your family, your significant other, your house cleaner, the people you do business with and so on. You're like a bicycle with all of the different spokes around you.

Since you're at the middle of all this, it might seem as though you're responsible for keeping the bicycle going. Partially, that's true. Unless the spoke connects to the hub and the tire, nothing happens, right? But realize that spokes fall out for any number of reasons. Either they get old. They rust out. They bend and need to be changed. All of these things can happen to relationships, too, and though people with ADD often have trouble keeping relationships going, it's not always their fault when things don't work out.

But let's face it, we can't deny that people with ADD are always looking forward to the next big thing. Many of your relationships may fall apart, simply because they don't interest you anymore. Everything was once exciting and new, but when the veneer wears off, once you really get to know the other person, you realize that there wasn't much in the bond for you to begin with. You have little in common, they start to seem boring, and the relationship begins to unravel.

Then, you're down on yourself because you think it's your ADD in action. This happens with so many phases of your life that you're ready to blame yourself for the disillusion, and the feelings can have a huge negative effect on your self-esteem. You start to blame your ADD because it seems as though you just can't keep a relationship going. And this can be true for every kind of relationship you have from romantic relationships to business relationships.

Forget that you or your ADD are at fault, unless you've done something to indicate that you really are. People just drift apart sometimes, like they may like outdoor sports, while you're an indoor kind of person. They may stay up at night, while you want to hit the rack. Whatever it is, the trouble lies in miscommunication, not in issues with your ADD. You can't learn everything at the beginning of a relationship. Some things just don't become evident until later.

And sometimes, it doesn't matter how much you want a relationship to work. It may not, period. You may try compromising, but sometimes, when it comes right down to it, your linear-thinking partner just doesn't get your ADD. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your partner. You're just different. That's all. Different.

But when two people don't get along, when they're just incompatible, it has very little to do with your ADD. People are people, and no one has the ability to make every relationship work every single time. However, ADD people do have trouble with communication at times. Concentrate on being clear about your wants and needs, and it could help to improve some relationships.

Just don't be down on yourself because you have a break-up or another relationship falls apart, and whatever you do, don't blame it on your ADD. You can beef up your communications, and be bold about expressing what it is you want and need out of life. If you do that one thing, you may find that every relationship you have will just run smoother. But nothing can put Humpty Dumpty together again, and some relationships just resemble the egg.