The Effects Of Bereavement And Personal Loss On Nutrition

The human mind is a wonderful microcosm of emotions. We know that we are capable of a range of emotions. But we fail to understand the depth of our feelings until we are shaken out of our complacency. Whether you’ve fought with a friend, been dumped by your girlfriend or just fallen in love – the depth of your emotions and the intensity of your passion will often surprise you. This applies to loss also. For most of us, the grieving process begins with disbelief and shock and proceeds to anger and disillusionment. Until a person is able to reach the blessed state of acceptance, there is no let up in the heat of the feelings that rage inside.

“In the first year after Rosa’s death, I was ill with something all the time. It’s tough, but important to keep yourself hydrated, take your vitamins and make sure that you are eating all the things you need to”, says Allison Mcknee who lost her daughter to AIDS.

Food has a curious relationship with sorrow. Contrary to what most of us think, there is much more to food than calories, nutrients and vitamins. In a way, there is something sensuous or carnal about the whole process of cooking food and eating it – food stimulates all our senses and appeals to a very basic need in us. In this aspect, it has a lot in common with sexual fulfillment. Eating is also a very selfish act, in that we eat purely to take care of ourselves.

Perhaps it is because of these associated connotations that the act of cooking and eating seems almost sacrilegious when we are faced with the pain of death. At such a time, the mundane act of putting food into the mouth – let alone relishing it - seems to be a disgrace. Most people cannot bear to cook at such a time. One reason would be that cooking implies a sense of well-being and contentment – something that you’re far from feeling when someone close to you has passed away. Also, a person may feel unable to concentrate and plan when undergoing the trauma of a crushing loss.

In the early stages of mourning, there is a stage when physical surroundings cease to matter. You forget about food, hunger and thirst. This is perfectly normal, and almost everyone who has faced death feels this at some time or another. However, there are times when this phase of acute mental pain goes on and on. If a person refuses to eat for more than 2-3 days, his health is going to take a drastic turn for the worse. Since the body is already weak from stress and pain, the chances of illness are high.

For some people, the loss of appetite continues long after the accepted period of mourning. They find it particularly difficult to cook or eat during the festive season, probably because of the clamor of thoughts that rush in. In such cases, it is better to make a list of food that you need to eat to get you through the days, and then go shopping. When you have a concrete list in your hand, it would be easier to face the day.

Some people deal with loss in a different fashion. They find solace through over-eating and stuff themselves to get away from pain. If continued for long, this leads to the development of disorders like Anorexia and obesity where a person becomes a victim of unhealthy eating habits. Such habits that begin as a defense mechanism to cope with pain soon lead to associated psychological problems.

When you - or someone you love - is in mourning, here are certain questions that will tell you whether you are ignoring the demands of the body too much:

• Are you eating regularly?
• Are you skipping meals?
• Are you losing weight?
• Are you putting on weight?
• Is your refrigerator well-stocked?
• Are you shopping for empty calories and avoiding food that your body needs?

If you find yourself unable to cope, seek professional help. Remember, the loss of one life is no reason to lose another.