Roots Of Rebellion

Rebellion is a problem that thousands of parents face every day. There are many solutions to this problem; some have proven to be successful, and others have not. As a Christian writer and mother of three children, I will share one solution that really works; (it worked in our home) it is a proven solution to the problem of rebellion. I had to learn these lessons the hard way, but thankfully I learned them in time to take care of the rebellion problem while my children were young.

When and where does rebellion start?

Rebellion in the home starts slowly but gains momentum as it continues. Like a snowball, it first starts with a handful of snow; but as it rolls down the hill, that innocent little ball of snow gets bigger and bigger. You may be looking at a child that is rebellious and you are wondering how this happened when just yesterday she/he seemed to be so good. It wasn’t just since yesterday; rebellion takes place over time. The rebellious actions and attitudes may not have been referred to as rebellion until they got out of hand and so big everyone is affected.

With your child, think for a minute… when did the rebellion start? I will use the Cute Puppy story to help you pinpoint when it may have started.

The Cute Puppy

Place yourself as the mom in this story: Once upon a time there was a stray puppy that came to your door, and because he was so cute you fed him. The next day this cute puppy, with sad eyes, comes to the door and this time you let your children feed him. The third day the cute puppy doesn’t look so sad anymore - he is now wagging his tail because he knows he has found a friend. The fourth day you feed the cute puppy and let him inside for a nap.

One small thing had been overlooked - the family rule of “no pets in the house.” Your husband had requested that the family set this rule after a new sofa had to be bought because the old one had been soiled by the family dog. The dog had since died, but the rule had been forgotten. The fifth day the cute puppy comes to the door wagging his tail and this time you let him come in to eat, take a nap, and play awhile. After all he is so cute and the kids are having so much fun… what could be wrong with bringing him in for a little while? After an hour or so you say, “We need to take the puppy outside before your father comes home.” “Oh Mom,” the kids cry, “let him stay in just a little longer; he is so cute and we are having so much fun.” You agree to allow him to stay just a little longer by saying, “only if you will not let him up on the couch, you remember how your father feels about that.” “Ok, we won’t” the kids say.

But no matter how cute a puppy is, it is a puppy, and a puppy will do what puppies do. As the games continue, the puppy jumps up on the couch to get a ball. “Mom, come look at how he jumps to get the ball.” The kids cry, “He is the cutest puppy.” But before anyone could stop it, you guessed right, he lifts up his cute little leg and… oh no, what do we do? Dad was due home any minute and the sofa was wet, and the living room smelled like a dog.

You have a great idea, “Ok kids, we will go out for dinner and call someone to come over and clean the sofa while we are gone.” This seemed to be a good way to deal with the problem. Dad doesn’t get mad, you are off the hook, the kids are happy, and the cute puppy still has a home.

What really happened that day?

A seed of rebellion was planted.

The kids were taught that it is ok to break a family rule.

They learn to disrespect Dad, and that his requests really do not matter.

They learned if something feels good and it is fun, just do it.

They learned to find a way out of trouble.

They learned to cover things up; what Dad doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Rebellion is like a tiny seed planted in tender soil and then it begins to grow. You may not notice that the seed is growing until it pops up one day out of the ground. You may not take time to do anything about the little weed, or the little lie your son told you about where he went after school. But just like the little weed in the flower garden, if it is not pulled up it keeps growing. As the weeks and months go by, the little lie and the little weed are both growing and no one is noticing. You may look out the window one day and see that the weed has become a tree and the son is not coming home at all. How did it happen? Just yesterday everything was fine. No, it takes time for a weed to grow into a tree and it takes time for rebellion to grow in a child. When rebellion has not been dealt with in the early stages, the results are very predictable. Proverbs 29:15 says, “A child left to himself will bring his mother and father much shame.”

Your child is like a garden and what is planted will come up or come out. Start today weeding the flower garden. Observe what is coming out of your child’s mouth. Is it weeds or beautiful flowers? I would consider a child’s mocking and disrespectful words as weeds. When these weeds first come up, pull the weed up by simply saying, “That is unacceptable.” Apply Proverbs 29:17 and correct them. When correction is given correctly, out of love, God assures you in Proverbs 23:13-14, that you will spare your child from future destruction. Then do your homework; find out how the seed was planted in the first place and eliminate the source of the problem. As a parent you have the authority given by God.

Bad seeds come from various sources:

TV programs and movies today are full of violence, sex, and deception. The friends that your children are hanging out with are a very strong influence and need to be carefully monitored. Also, just as in the Cute Puppy story, the way parents cover up things can plant a seed of rebellion.

If you have a rebellious child, take action today!

Get to the source, remove the influence, and don’t wait until the weeds grow into trees. You can pluck up a weed with two fingers when it first pops up. The two fingers are the mother and father, both getting involved and working together. Both need to take responsibility to correct the problem. If you wait until the weed becomes a tree, it will take much more effort because a tree requires heavy equipment to dig it up.

This method of taking care of rebellion when it first starts has worked in our home. Our children are now 24, 20, and 16. We took care of the little weeds when they first popped up when they were young and we have never had to deal with rebellion as teens. If you have a rebellious child, there is hope, but it must start with you, the parent. God honors the position of the parent and when you cry out to Him in humility by repenting for mistakes, He will hear your cry and help you. Repentance will re-establish the authority you may have lost in your child’s life.