What Lawyers Don't Want You To Know About Divorce By Ed Sherman At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

The worst thing you can do is go to a lawyer without first becoming informed and prepared. It is not difficult to learn what you need to know, but very dangerous not to. Here's why:

1. In a divorce, the law is concerned with only three things—property, support, and parenting arrangements for minor children. That's it; that's all. If there is no legal opposition (papers filed in court) to your requests on these three subjects, getting a divorce is simply a matter of red-tape and paperwork, easy to do. The trouble comes when parties can't agree about these issues and do things that do more harm than good - like taking the divorce into a lawyer's office and into court while the disagreements are still unresolved.

2. Very few divorces hinge on valid legal issues. Over many decades, after millions of California divorces, almost every conceivable issue has already been decided in great detail and can be looked up in our enormous body of cases and statutes. This means there is only rarely a fact situation where we don't know ahead of time pretty much what any judge would order, so there's really no good legal reason for people to disagree, at least none worth the financial and emotional cost. The reason people argue is not about the law but about emotional things like hurt, fear and anger. Even more, it is because arguing is the fundamental nature of law practice and the legal system.

3. There are no solutions for divorce problems in a law office or court room. Divorce problems are almost entirely personal and emotional, but the law has no tools that can help. None. Not any. As to lawyers, nothing in law school prepares them to help people resolve disagreements based on emotional upset.

4. Retaining a lawyer almost always makes things worse rather than better. Worse than merely having no solutions for your divorce problems, our legal system - known as the adversarial system of justice - is based on conflict. It originated with trial by combat in the Middle Ages when people with a disagreement would battle before a representative of the King and the person who survived was right. A hair more civilized today, parties do legal battle in a courtroom before a judge and try to win a decision. When you take a divorce into the legal system to "settle" disagreements, things invariably get worse (no solutions there, remember?) and the level of conflict and cost go way up. Even when it's over, the parties come away broke, unhappy, disinclined to comply with orders that have been imposed, and less able to get on with rebuilding their lives or raise children cooperatively.

5. The things you can do yourself are far superior to anything a lawyer can do for you. The lawyer has no legal tools or training that can help you settle disagreements and get on with your life. But because the problems are entirely personal, between you and your spouse, there are many very specific things you can do to help reduce tension, avoid conflict, and negotiate or mediate a fair settlement. In the book, How to Solve Divorce Problems, you'll find ten specific steps to take before you start to negotiate, actions that help protect yourself, the children and the other party. These are followed by ten steps to take that will make your negotiations smoother and more effective.

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