He Said/She Said: A Parent's Dilemma By Elena Neitlich At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

The father of one of my son’s classmates apologized to me today as I was getting out of my car in the school parking lot. He felt badly for reprimanding me the day before after hearing from his daughter that my son had given her a pinch.

The day of the alleged pinch I immediately apologized to the man and his daughter for my 4 year old son's behavior. I asked my son to apologize to the girl, but he said that he hadn’t done it and wouldn’t apologize. We got into our cars with me saying a final apology.

In the car I questioned my little boy about the incident and then listened to his side of the events. I assured him that I just wanted to know the truth and that he wasn’t going to get a time-out. Again and again he proclaimed his innocence: he did not pinch her.

I knew that the way I handled this episode could have a potential impact on my son. This was his first experience of “he said/she said” and of being reprimanded in front of me by a stranger. I wanted this to be a positive teaching moment for him with some sort of take-away.

I told him that because he had never given me reason not to believe him, I believed him. It was a case of his word against hers. His teachers hadn’t reported the incident to me while I was picking up my kiddo, and they report everything. I told him that it was very important to be honest with me because honesty builds trust and that we are nothing without our word.

What was my responsibility as a mother? Should I have immediately assumed that my son was telling a lie because another 4 year old said so? I certainly don’t want to be one of those mothers in denial about her child’s bad behavior. I am supposed to promote and reinforce good behavior.

As I buckled my son into his car seat after preschool, I told my son about the man’s apology. My son quickly asked whether I told the man that he hadn’t pinched her. I said that I hadn’t. I told him exactly what I said to that father.

I was glad that he had spoken out on behalf of his daughter. She was really lucky to have such a great daddy who cared and loved her enough to defend her. I told him that the daddy was a great role model and was teaching his daughter how decent men behave.

“Oh, okay.”

I hope that my son learned something from this experience. I hope that he learned about honesty, good behavior, trust and decency. Maybe he learned about keeping his cool, maintaining composure and defusing an uncomfortable situation. I hope he learned that I am his advocate and that he can trust me.

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