Impulsive Divorce By James Wallis At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

Impulsively divorcing couples often say that their marital failure was proved by the repeated arguments and fights they had. A fact that would surprise them and many others is that couples who do not divorce also have equal number of marital tiffs. All couples (married or divorced) argue over the same issues such as money, children, in laws and time. The similarity ends here. Fights strengthen certain marital bonds while it weakens others. Some couples who experience a weakening of their marital ties divorce impulsively. They hardly make an effort to make their marriage work.

Impulsive divorces are on the rise. Many counselling facilities are available that aims at helping couples strengthen their marital ties. Couples are repeatedly counselled to try out trial separation periods to curb hasty divorce decisions. Proximity gives rise to many problems, separation helps solve them. By staying apart for a period of 10 months or so, they often work out their differences and live amicably. Those who still feel divorce is inevitable use this experimental period to carefully consider the following factors.

Factors to Consider Prior to a Divorce

Financial considerations are important when couples plan to divorce. The financial aspect is especially vexing to those who have never handled financial matters at home. The help of an accountant or attorney must be sought to calculate the possible expenditure a divorce would entail. The alimony payments and child maintenance costs often forces people to dispose off their property. Couples have to examine if they can handle the difficulties entailed by reduced retirement benefits and division of the marital home.

The marital house is equally divided between both the spouses.
Retirement benefits accrued during the marital tenure are equally divided. This translates to either longer working life prior to retirement or reduced availability of retirement benefits.
Debts are also divided equally. The separating spouses are expected to work out if they can repay the monthly instalments regularly.

Many couples consider the financial aspect and relegate emotions to the background. They just feel that time is the best healer. Recouping after divorce and living alone is difficult. The pain wrought by divorce brings in unaccountable stress and trauma and manifests as helplessness, despair and terror. Children struggle to adapt to a different environment. They are frightened and develop behavioural problems. Assuaging the feelings of children, juggling home and work schedules and managing extra responsibilities of a solitary life can be overwhelming.

Couples should consider all these factors before arriving at a decision to divorce. Divorce is fraught with dangers and impulsive divorces are much more dangerous.

Perils of an Impulsive Divorce

The more impulsive and sudden the decision is, the more shocking it is for the spouse who is being left. The pain is so intense that it affects both the spouses equally. The leaver feels deeply guilty for terminating marriage when the partner is least prepared for it. The spouse left behind is driven into shock and depression.

If the spouse left behind is a stay at home mom, the emotional costs are the maximum. Being wholly devoted to home and family, these women are caught off guard by the sudden divorce announcement by the spouse. As they were away from the financial scene for long, their post divorce period is marked with difficulty. The equal sharing of debts places great burden on them. Debt clearance and living alone forces them on a job hunt. Trekking down to the job market after years of unemployment diminishes their employment prospects too.

Children are also equally affected when sudden divorce decisions are announced. Adults suffer a divorce and recoup normal life within three years. Children suffer for long durations, probably a lifetime. Divorce of the parents erodes faith in relationships and trust from their minds. They find it difficult to become intimately attached to their partners. They learn to identify intimacy with future pain. Moreover the sudden upheaval, abandonment and unexpectedness of the divorce reduce their self esteem.

Divorce is a decision that has to be announced after careful analysis and contemplation. Those who divorce in haste repent at leisure.

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