How To Break The News To Your Small Children That You Are Divorcing

Depending on their age, children react differently to a divorce. Whereas your toddler might display an increased crying pattern, an adolescent or a teenager is more likely to show signs of aggression and anger. However, children of all age groups tend to view divorce with a lot of anxiety because of the uncertainty that looms over their future.

Children tend to feel that the divorce is an outcome of some wrong action committed on their part and are most likely to blame themselves for the divorce. There is an immense amount of anxiety that children go through because they do not know much about their living arrangement or their future relationship with the leaving parent.

It is important that you deal with this situation very cautiously because how you take care of this situation will have a long-lasting effect on your child’s mental and physical well-being. Many couples do not know how to break the news of divorce to their children. While every child is different, and it can never be easy to break such news, we can still help you understand how to go about it by providing you with certain guidelines.

How to Break the Divorce News to Your Child and Minimize the Damage

• There are times when parents do not know how to break this disturbing news and keep procrastinating this task to avoid hurting their children. However, delay in telling them about this news is only going to make the matters worse. You should ideally tell your child about your decision as soon as you have decided firmly about it.

Your child would need a lot of time to adjust to the idea of his or her parents not being together anymore. Therefore, make sure that you do not bring about a dramatic change in your child’s life by telling him or her just a few days in advance. This could have a devastating effect on your child’s mental well-being.

• Every child will need to know more about his or her living arrangements post-divorce. Make sure that you discuss this subject with your spouse as soon as possible and reach an agreement on it. Once you have reached an agreement with your spouse, explain to your child about the living arrangement while assuring him or her that his or her relationship with the leaving parent will be of utmost priority.

You would need to make sure that your child does not feel that he or she is losing a parent because of divorce. You will need to ensure that you stick with the living arrangement agreement because any changes in it will make your child lose trust in you. If you feel you are not sure about the future living arrangement, wait until the time you are completely sure before telling your child about it.

• It would be best if you tell your children about the divorce together. Your children need the comfort and assurance of both their parents together. Breaking the news separately can make your children feel that you and your spouse are separated already and make them feel extremely vulnerable. In addition, your children will have questions about the divorce and it would be best if you answer to these questions together. Ensure that your child does not feel that he or she will be losing either one of you.

• Make sure that while you explain to your children about what went wrong in the marriage, do not tell them things that might hurt or upset them, or which they will not be able to understand. While explaining things to your child, do not make your child judge who is right or wrong. The marital trouble is between you and your spouse. Therefore, do not put your child in the middle of it.

• Reassure your child that divorce is not their fault. In addition, make sure that you also tell them that the decision to go ahead with the divorce will not be affected by what they have to say or do. Often children feel that they can try to mend their parents’ relations and resort to different measures for achieving this goal. This can seriously hamper their healing process because if they do not come to terms with the idea of divorce, then they will not be able to adjust to the situation.