Marriage Trial Separations - 5 Tips For Saving Your Marriage

When a marriage has reached its breaking point, sometimes a trial separation seems like the best option. The grief, the anger, the hurt: you may be asking yourself what relationship could possibly be worth this? However, if you both do still harbor love for one another in your hearts, it may be worth giving your love another chance.

Here are 5 tips for avoiding a trial separation or getting back together if you are in the midst of one now:

Tip #1: Feelings, not recriminations: When you are talking with your spouse, start every statement with, "When you do X, I feel Y. " This immediately removes the element of blame from the situation and shifts it to what we humans are really about: our feelings and emotions.

Tip #2: Problems, not personalities: When you encounter with your spouse one of your hot button issues - those that make your tempers immediately go through the roof and your patience vanish - try to focus on the problems at hand rather than the specific shortcomings or flaws of the other person. By looking at a problem objectively as something to be examined and studied, you become able to separate how you feel about the other person from the things that are causing you both pain. Only then can you tackle your problem head-on.

Tip #3: Leave the kids out of it: If you have kids with your spouse, do everything in your power to keep them out of your problems with your spouse. Kids often become the victims when parents separate: an unfortunate casualty that can be avoided. Make sure that you explain to your kids that they are not the cause of your separation. And, never, ever give your kids messages to relay to your spouse if you are already separated: your communication with your spouse needs to happen directly between the two of you.

Tip #4: Take ownership of problems rather than placing blame: A problem amongst a fighting couple is like the border between two countries: it is always an integral part of both sides. That is, a problem is never his or her fault. You own your problems together. If your spouse has a serious problem like a drinking, gambling, or cheating, it instantly becomes your problem as well. You both have to find a healthy solution, together. Own your problems as a couple and you can overcome anything.

Tip #5: Agree to take a break from your problems: When couples are trying to avoid a separation by actively working through their problems, they often find themselves falling into the rut of always and only talking about those problems when they are together. The trouble is, by always making our problems the center of our attention, we are actually giving them even more power over our relationships than they deserve. To avoid this vicious cycle, pick certain times to consciously take a break from your problems when you are with your spouse. Go miniature golfing, see a movie, or take a walk, all the while promising that you will put your problems on the back burner for a while and just have some fun.

A marriage trial separation can be heartbreaking for everyone involved. Whether your separation seems to be leading toward divorce or toward reconciliation, you owe it to yourself and your spouse to give your relationship all you have. You just might be able to bring the love back.