Trial Separation – Will It Make A Difference? By James Wallis At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

Even people who indulge in such relationships realise they are wrong, but fail to reckon that such an act can be akin to infidelity. They are shocked when their angry spouse petitions a divorce on this ground.

Such anger-induced divorces can be labelled hasty disunions. Hasty divorces lead to repentance in leisure and can be prevented, if such couples try out a ‘trial separation period.’ Temporary break-up is therapeutic, and benefits all those who are contemplating a divorce driven by anger, suspicion, jealousy, rage, etc.

In a ‘trial separation’ period, couples stay apart in two separate residences and experience the feelings of a life lived apart. Usually, the husband leaves the family, while the wife and children continue in the marital home. The separating spouses reduce interaction and just talk at pre-decided stipulated intervals. Some counsellors, even advise that finances should be disassociated to create economic conditions similar to those expected post-divorce.

The duration of separation period depends on each individual family circumstance. If marital partners continue nursing anger or other negative emotions, then separation should be replaced by other methods. If separation escalates yearning for the spouse, the couple should never reconcile in haste. This period should be elongated further to derive maximum advantages of it.

Advantages of Trial Separation

Probably, the biggest advantage of this therapeutic separation is the prevention of divorce. More than 70% of the couples realize that divorce is not an answer to their problems. They solicit counselling services and begin working at their marriage. Needless to say, they are successful.

The high success rates of trial separation can be attributed to the fact that, when spouses are denied the company of one another, they resolve their differences more effectively. They begin realising that they were also equally responsible for the qualitative deterioration of the relationship. Over a span of time either partner begins depending heavily on the other without ever realising how burdensome dependency can be. Trial separation makes people self-dependent.

Temporary disunion has benefited many. Usually, continued association alleviates anger. Trial separation mitigates this and spouses begin to think more clearly. With clarity of thought sets in the realisation that contemplating a divorce was wrong. Usually, people rush to solicitors at the very first hint of marital trouble, for divorces are wholly legal procedures. Divorce lawyers only compound matters and wreak havoc with the already fragile relationship.

Quite frequently, when couples divorce in anger, it is difficult for them to reconcile, for pride proves preventive. Trial separation removes this emotional barrier. After the voluntary estrangement, it is easier for spouses to conciliate. Such separation strengthens spousal bond, for this voluntary and temporary divorce is reversible. However, this very advantage is construed as a disadvantage by many sceptics.

Disadvantages of Trial Separation

The reversible nature of trial separation necessitates a divorce and, thus, the whole process turns very expensive. Couples would have already spent much on temporary separation and divorce entails a further expenditure. The very arrangement of short-tenure disassociation is artificial and thus unworkable. Couples who are positively inclined would work hard at their marriage, and find such induced separations unnecessary.

Those who are disinclined to work at their alliance, use the trial separation to further relationships with their friends formed out of marital boundaries. This is dangerous and complicates the marriage further. Moreover, by staying apart, they are adding a new dimension to their marital discord. The conflicting couples now become confused couples. All the members of the family, especially the children find the suspense suffocating. They know not if their parents would divorce or live together at the end of the tenure. Such suspense has alleviated tension levels in some couples, during their period of separation.

However, the maximum number of spouses felt a reduction in tension due to absence of marital discord. Though a majority of them realise the necessity to resolve their differences and stay together, a few divorce. However, even if couples divorce after the trial separation period, they are letting down their spouse in a very gentle manner. The partner is already prepared for the disunion and the havoc wreaked by the divorce gets greatly mitigated.

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