How To Cope With The Emotional Struggle Of A Child Custody Battle By James Wallis At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

Parental love for the offspring is so deep that words are insufficient to describe. A child means the world for any parent and they are ready to die for them.

This deep unconditional and everlasting love depicts why parents clash mightily for the custody of their child, once they plan a divorce. Unfortunately, this deep-rooted love for their child blinds them to the fact that their fight is destroying the very child whom they aspire to protect against all evil.

Why do Parents Fight over Their Child?

Physical custody of the child is the major issue parents fight for. Either parent likes the child to live and spend holidays with them. Parents also quarrel over the right to make major decisions in the child’s life relating to education, health, extracurricular activities, religious beliefs, etc.

Child custodial issues do not get automatically decided at the time of a divorce. In the UK, the divorce petitioning spouse is expected to fill up a form called ‘Statement of Agreement.’ The form contains details regarding the residential arrangements made for the child, the school the child will study in, etc. It is advised that these forms are filled soliciting solicitor help and have to be signed by both the divorcing partners. If the parents fail to reach an amicable agreement, they request legal intervention.

If you are one such parent, who out of deep love for the children, is ready to fight tooth and nail for their custody, we sincerely advise you to not take such a step.

Why Should Court Battles be Avoided?

If the court takes up your case, it would positively involve much drain on your precious resources. Apart from the solicitor's fees, the courts will also expect you to pay some of the charges entailed by their investigation.

The judge gives a ruling after considering many factors that include an analysis of the parent-child relationship and also the earning capacity of either parent. It is not necessary that every child will end up with the mother who generally happens to be the primary care giver.

The court analyses the situation in a short duration. In the lack of an in-depth analysis, the generalised judicial verdict, might (in all probability) not suit your individual requirement. No parent can ever be happy with a third party intervention in the life of their child. Set aside your anger and resolve this conflict with a will to compromise, for this tug of war with your spouse damages your child immensely.

Effects of Custodial Battles on the Child

Divorce is too difficult a situation to be handled by a child and the custodial fight makes an already bad situation worse. The child turns fearful and begins feeling unsafe, insecure and uncared for. A child needs the comforting protection of both the parents and longs to spend quality time with either of them. Quantity of time hardly matters for a child.

The impact of your bitter fight will emotionally damage your child for long. Your child will grow up into a dysfunctional and immature adult lacking self-confidence. Therapists and researchers univocally recommend that custodial battles should be avoided in the best interests of the child.

Avoiding Child Custodial Battles

If you find reaching a settlement difficult, you can seek the help of an arbitrator. A professional divorce counsellor is trained to help you realise the varied options you have. However, making the final decision is left to your discretion. Divorce counselling specifically advises you on communicating well, and this helps you in effective negotiations.

Mediation services are another option, worth a try. Child custody mediation is a process by which parents develop a parenting plan to be enforced after divorce. This plan is formulated with the help of a mediator and the child is also allowed to participate. Planning thus, gives the child a greater sense of control over its life. Research has proved that mediation services have helped about 60 to 70% of conflicting spouses reach a settlement.

These services prove an invaluable source of help and should be availed by all divorcing couples who find it difficult to reach an agreement. If you have not yet tried either of these services, we honestly encourage you to approach one.

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