What Kind Of Parent Are You?

Want to know what kind of parents a teenager has? I’ve found a simple way to find out that I’ll share it with you. Ask them what they think about administering home drug testing kits to their teen, according to the following:

1. The parents are required to talk to their teen about the dangers of drug use and to explain that there are no circumstances under which illegal drugs would be allowed in their home.

2. The parents are required to inform their teen that test dates will be selected at random and that the test is for street drugs as well as prescription drugs (which are commonly abused).

3. A reward (e.g., a music CD, Xbox game, DVD) will be given after each drug-free result to acknowledge their teen’s good judgment and resistance to peer pressure.

4. There are consequences - loss of predetermined privileges – for tests that reveal drug use. These will be established in advance, as will a timeline for earning privileges back, based on future drug-free test results.

5. A teen’s refusal to take the test is considered a positive result (that is, it indicates drug use).

6. The parents are required to tell their teen that they don’t suspect recent drug use (if this is the case) and want to keep it that way. Therefore, a test won’t be given today, but tests will be given randomly in the future. The teen now has a socially acceptable excuse to resist future peer pressure, since a teen can stop pushy peers with the statement “No thanks my parents test me.”

“So What?” Parents

It’s sad but true that you will meet parents who either do drugs or don’t care that their kids do drugs.

“My Buddy” Parents

There are parents who want to be their kids’ “buddy” or “friend” and those who can’t imagine their children doing drugs. These are parents who boldly proclaim that they “know” their kids and that while plenty of other kids do drugs, their teens would never touch the stuff.

The good news is that statistically speaking, about half of them are right. Unfortunately, that means about half of them are wrong, and they leave themselves with no way to learn the truth except the hard way.

It has been my experience that when they find out about their kids doing drugs (usually from a school official, police officer, or another parent), the first words out of their mouth are “I can’t believe my kid did that!” Worse yet, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, an unfortunate number of parents still cling to the illusion that it really isn’t their kids doing the drugs.

The lengths that parents will go to cling to their preconceived beliefs astound me. One parent actually emailed me after her kid blamed his positive test result for marijuana on “secondhand smoke.” I gave her the technical answer, which she didn’t want to hear, but the troubling thing for me was that she didn’t see the most obvious problem: her kid was in a room with a bunch of people and illegal drugs!

When trust is bestowed (and not earned), it has been my experience that kids will often do what they want as long as they think they can get away with it. If they are careful and don’t get caught, they feel the bond of trust they have with their “buddy” (mom and/or dad) isn’t in jeopardy.

“Trust - But Verify” Parents

These are the parents who don’t care if their kids or their kids’ friends think they are cool. They realize that decisions are only as sound as the facts on which they are based, and they don’t let their emotions trump evidence. These are the parents who don’t assume they know what is going on with their kids … they make sure they know.

They are proactive instead of reactive and realize what is at stake. These parents prefer the uncomfortable conversation and subsequent follow-up related to random drug testing to the heartache, expense, and embarrassment of criminal records, legal fees, rehab, incarceration, or death. They go out of their way to teach their children that in life, if they make good choices, they get rewards, and if they make bad choices, there are consequences.

While my experience is with home drug testing, and I consider myself a strong proponent of it for many (but not all) circumstances, that’s not what this article is about. It is about parenting and how you and other parents respond to the challenges facing your teens. This discussion could have been centered around ensuring safe and responsible driving by using GPS monitoring or employing Internet-monitoring software to help you protect your teens from Internet predators. Although there are many different situational examples, the question remains the same; What kind of parent are you?