How to Get Over a Break Up - The Quick Guide

All good things come to an end...and a lot of things that seem to be good at the time can as well. One of the most common situations for anyone dating (at any age) is dealing with the pain and detritus of a relationship gone south.

First things first – when you're dealing with the breakup, or the impending breakup, you aren't in your right mind. You're already grieving for something that's gone. And like grieving for anything, there are stages you go through. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

Now, before we even get into the tactics for how to deal with the break up, the first thing you need to understand is that the break up doesn't have to happen in the first place.

Or, if it already has, it doesn't have to be permanent! Far from it. In fact, if you'll go down to the bottom of this article, you'll see that I've given you some links to a few resources that can actually help you win back your ex quickly and painlessly.

Definitely check this out.

Okay, back to how to survive a break up...

Don't make any lifelong decisions until you're through at least the first three steps of this.

Denial – you can't believe he (or she) dumped you. You got the "It's over…" message, and you're doing anything you can to stay in contact. You're wondering if they're seeing someone else. It's ugly. It's like a part of you has been cut off.

Anger – OK, you've internalized the fact that they've rejected you. Now you're going to act out on it. You're angry. You're frustrated. You're calling them and bawling them out (or just bawling.)

Bargaining – Now you're trying to convince them that you're the right person for them. You're trying to bargain for any kind of contact. This is where a lot of men make mistakes in relationships, it's where they do the belly crawl, and their friends pity them.

Depression – After you've discovered that bargaining isn't working, there comes the point where you realize just how futile all of this has been, comes the depression. This is where you need to focus on doing other things and get past this. This is where your friends, if they're paying attention, will try to drag you out of the house.

Acceptance – Eventually, you learn to move on.

Ways around this is to remember that the first four stages of this are degrading. They're where you're playing a reactive game. You've lost the initiative. At this point, as soon as you can, focus on convincing the person who dumped you that you've moved on with your life. That your life is fine without them. One of two things will happen – they will either come back to you, or you'll short circuit the "I'm going to be an idiot" phase of the breakup.

There are a lot of techniques to doing this, but the first thing to keep in mind is that relationships end, and you'll go on. Indeed, sometimes the best lessons you learn are from relationships that blow up…

Until next time!