Rule 41: Stay at Home Dads

Jamie Hayden is a professional copywriter and the working wife of a stay-at-home dad (SAHD). She's currently working on a book about the rewards of this unique lifestyle.

As the working wife of a stay-at-home dad (SAHD), I can tell you first-hand that some people just don't know what to make of them … "Does he go to Mommy & Me classes?" "Has he always had a fondness for cleaning and grocery shopping?" "Why doesn’t he have a real job?"

Through the years, I’ve come to realize that the quizzical looks, blank stares and not-so-polite comments are part of SAHD territory. Yet the truth is that dads make great parents, too. To be sure, transitioning to a SAHD household isn’t easy. It’s often fraught with discord and burnt macaroni and cheese along the way. However, the important thing is to keep your eyes on the prize – the little ones you brought into this world.

My husband and I re-arranged our lives ten years ago to create more balance for ourselves and our two children. We function as a team, complete with family meetings and chore lists. After all, when you're a working Mom and your husband is a SAHD, gender roles are less defined. Traditional roles become blurry. Operating as a team is a great way to stay connected, maintain communication and promote a positive sense of family.

As a working Mom, you hold a full-time job. As a SAHD, your husband works full-time, too. For you, ultimate success comes down to:

- understanding that your husband does not work for you and is not your personal assistant.

- respecting his approach to discipline and other parental responsibilities (especially if they are a bit different from yours).

- realizing that life will go on whether he stores the yogurts on the second shelf of the refrigerator or the first.

- maintaining the control to realize that you’re not in control of what happens inside your home everyday – and being okay with that.

- never taking him for granted.

Naturally, not all men are cut out for the SAHD life. But if yours is, by all means embrace it if you can. At the end of the day, the benefits can be significant. The accolades and cheers I often hear are music to my ears – and the extra push I sometimes need to get through my day.

Indeed, you can be confident knowing that while you’re at work, he’s bandaging the boo-boos, preparing the meals, wiping up the spills – and your children – and generally running the show. What’s more, he’s cheering them on at their baseball games, rooting for them at their ice skating championships and helping them determine what “x” and “y” equals in time for the algebra test. That speaks volumes.

Just last week, a working friend of mine with a stay-at-home husband came home after a long day behind the desk to find him immersed in a backyard water balloon fight with their three children. "They hardly noticed me at all," she complained later to me. "Nobody came over to say hello or to ask me about my day."

At that very moment, I mounted my soapbox and congratulated my friend. “Your husband is a great success! He’s swimming upstream against the stereotype of what a stay-at-home parent ought to be. He’s carving a gratifying life out of being the best hands-on parent he can be. And he’s building incredible relationships with your children.”

In fact, compared to their counterparts, children with involved dads tend to:

- perform better in school.

- develop more self-confidence.

- become stronger problem-solvers.

What is the bottom line? Now is a great time to be part of a SAHD family. Grab a water balloon and join in the fun.

As excerpted from "42 Rules (tm) for Working Moms" Super Star Press, 2008.