Teaching Children to Tell the Truth and Dealing With Friends Who Don't By Colleen Langenfeld At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

We all know that teaching children to tell the truth is an important part of parenting. However, if you've been doing the parenting thing awhile, then you've definitely run into kids from other families who believe that honesty is optional.

If you emphasize truth telling in your own home, then your kids can be puzzled by dishonest behavior in others. They often make the assumption that everyone else's family is just like theirs and it can be confusing and a bit shocking to find out differently.

This can create an awesome teaching opportunity for you, Mom or Dad.

First of all, let's be honest right here. Pretty much all kids lie at one point or another. It's a natural part of growing up and dealing with the human conflicts that beset us all. So if your child presents you with a falsehood from time to time, I wouldn't worry about it. It is a pattern of dishonesty that's a problem. And sometimes kids will meet other kids who have different values from themselves and they feel a need to 'try on' those different values to learn what happens.

Hence, your normally honest child comes home and tells you a whopper after spending the afternoon with a friend who does likewise.

What to do?

- Stay calm.

Kids are often on the lookout for our reactions. In fact, they are generally more keyed into our reactions than we are. When you are faced with what is an obvious falsehood, don't make the mistake of blowing up at your child. (And if you do, simply calm down and apologize, then press on.)

At moments like these it is always helpful to take a deep breath and step back, at least mentally. Make sure you heard correctly. Ask questions and get all the facts. You staying calm will help your child know that even when the topic is dicey, you can be trusted to talk to. You don't want to mess that up.

-- Have a conversation.

Be a detective. Ask questions. And listen, listen, listen to your child. Dig out the truth as best you can. Ask pointed questions about what others did and said. Listen for discrepancies; lies are tough to keep straight!

-- Have a refresher course in your family's values.

"You know, John, this doesn't sound like the truth to me. You know how important telling the truth is in our family. What's going on here?" Give your child a way out of the lie; getting a child to admit when they're not being honest is huge. It helps develop their conscience which will help them think twice the next time they consider lying.

-- Help them see the problem.

Once you can help your child connect the dots and see that the dishonest behavior he learned from his friend is causing him problems, you can help him turn his focus from his mistake to handling others who don't tell the truth. This empowers your child to develop self-control and be a better friend at the same time.

Brainstorm solutions with your child about what to do the next time she encounters her lying friend. Talk about how the dishonest behavior has already broken down trust between your child and her friend. Point out to her what it would be like if she knew she couldn't trust YOU to tell the truth. In other words, teach her to think for herself.

-- Practice.

Over time, continue the dialogue with your child about being truthful. Encourage him to share with you the daily stuff that happens to him and praise him when he handles tricky situations well. Role-playing is a great way to practice knowing what to say and do in difficult situations before they even arise. As your child gains confidence in his own abilities and knowledge of what's right and wrong, he will grow in his ability to recognize problem situations and make good choices on the spot.

Teaching children to tell the truth is an ongoing process. Be patient, firm with your family values, and forgiving for honest mistakes. Implement consequences when appropriate.

Above all, make sure YOU are modeling truthful behavior. Your actions have more influence on your child than all the other kids your child meets throughout his day. Use your parenting influence wisely!

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