Faith & Family

From David Donaldson

What are my priorities in Life?

As a counselor, I find myself asking this question often. Since I specialize in marriage and family counseling, I often find at the heart of the conflict within relationships, is the lack of defined, clearly understood priorities. It seems the older we get, the more important our priorities become.

For example, I met with a couple recently; the man was in his early sixties. His heart ached because of so many “broken dreams” in his life. And of course, there was a long list of people he blamed, including his wife, for him never reaching his potential. Soon, I was able to guide him toward the reality, albeit harsh, that his life had truly become. He was unable to retire, no financial security. He was unable to invest in another career due to poor credit and little savings. His family was scattered across the country, and emotionally distant.

Frank had lived his life ‘in the moment,’ always making his desires, and his pleasure, his highest priority. Never planning ahead, never stopping to clearly define his priorities. And the result for him was an endless list of regrets. Frank had long dreamed of owning a country store, nothing fancy. Just food, groceries, and good service. I didn’t have the heart to tell him, like so many dreams that are never prioritized, Frank’s dream of owning a little country store was little more than a fantasy at this juncture in life. Why? The lack of defined priorities over four decades in his life has left Frank with little hope of ever reaching his dreams.

I got to thinking about this as it relates to my life. What are my priorities? Over the years, I must admit my priorities have changed significantly. First marriage, then a family, a college degree, finally a Ph.D. Now, as I embark on another career path, I have to sincerely ask myself, what are my priorities?

I believe faith and family are still my paramount priorities. For most of my adult life, I have held to the idea that we all need to believe in something bigger than ourselves. We all need to know deep down in our hearts that life is bigger than me. Personally, this concept brings me hope. For me, my faith and trust in God is the cornerstone of my priorities in life. This gives me a moral standard from which to base my beliefs, behavior, and concepts in morality.

The second priority for me is my family. I am blessed to have a precious wife of 25 years! Three wonderful children, another daughter by marriage, and a son by marriage as well, and earlier this year, we were blessed with a grandson! You see, knowing the priority in my life helps me plan from one day to the next. It helps me make decisions, because I do not have to wonder or second guess what is most important to me, today!

I truly enjoy counseling and writing. And these are important elements in my life. At times, it would be very easy to confuse these things with my life’s priorities. Once this happens, my life goes out of balance once again.

I once heard a preacher say. Show me your bank statement and your calendar, and I can tell what your priorities really are!

I sincerely hope at the end of my days, someone can look back on my ‘bank statement and calendar,’ and see the priority and love of my life, was my faith and my family!