What is it About Me? By Suzi Elton At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

Earnie Larson, a very renowned Addiction Recovery Counselor has a question that can change your life, "What is it about me?" The best way that this can be applied is to use it anytime you find yourself in a situation that could be described as a "persistent complaint". What this means is anytime you find yourself in a repetitive pattern of behavior that leaves you complaining about the results.

This can be anything. It could mean that you consistently complain about the way you get treated by the opposite sex. Perhaps your pattern is ending up in lousy jobs you hate. Maybe you find yourself always blaming someone else for your unhappiness. Maybe you are extremely critical of others and they can never do anything that will please you.

Take a good look at the patterns of complaint you have. It seems to be part of the human condition that this is the way we do things. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it does rob us of a more enjoyable life. There’s a good possibility that you’re aware that these patterns reduce the pleasure in your life. You may even feel some shame, embarrassment, guilt, frustration or anger at finding yourself back in the negative situation again.

1.) One of the first ways to free yourself is to realize that there is one common factor in every single one of those situations - and that is you. This is not to induce guilt, but rather introspection. If you are the common factor, then you can examine the situation and see how your habitual patterns are producing those results. That can bring about different results.

2.) Ask yourself the question about the situation, "What is it about me?" Be aware that this question is not to have a victim connotation, but instead to have a responsibility connotation. With the responsibility angle, it can be different. It can be within your control.

3.) Here are some things to consider when you ask yourself, "What is it about me?".

a.) Was there something that you ignored up front that produced the results you got? Did you fail to notice the character, personality, style, or circumstances of another person and this led to results you experienced as negative?

b.) Did you notice the character, personality, style or circumstances of the other person, but you "discounted" your observation or intuition? In other words, did you know up front, but used some sort of mental mechanism to create a situation where you (consciously or unconsciously) decided not to place any importance on what you "knew"? This can amount to colluding in our own negative results.

c.) If the pattern was conscious, take a look at any patterns of rationalization you used to produce the results you got. This could be something like, "I know he’s done X in the past, but he would never do that to me." or, "I feel there’s a ‘hidden agenda’ going on here, but I will ignore my intuition and go ahead because (justification) or (justification).

d.) If your pattern is unconscious, it may take even more digging, but it’s really worth it to get out of "negative results" patterns. Look inside yourself, and see if any of these unconscious issues might be at play. Sometimes people continue in self defeating patterns because of loneliness and needing some attention. Sometimes it is because they (deep inside) don’t believe they deserve to be treated lovingly. Sometimes they grew up being the "screw up" in their family and this is a continuation of a family role or script. There are probably thousands of variations of these, but in essence these are the major ones.

4.) Now, get back to the question, "What is it about me?" - that keeps getting those negative results. What can you change about the way you do your end of interactions that can bring you positive results?

a.) Pay more attention up front. Stay out of fantasy. Don’t make others wrong, but know who and what you are dealing with.

b.) Don’t pretend that others are different from the way they show themselves to be to you.

c.) Don’t pretend that circumstances are different from what you see them to be.

d.) Pay attention to any rationalizations you use to ignore what you know (or think) to be true. Be willing to make a new choice at this point as this is critical to getting new results. Yes, it will feel very strange, uncomfortable, scary, and maybe even "rude" - but this is the key change to make.

e.) Trust yourself. Trust your intuition, trust your inner knowing, and trust your guidance.

f.) Decide to develop confidence in yourself so that you can and will make different choices.

It is possible to become a person who breaks the patterns that bring negative results. It does take some courage and intestinal fortitude, but can totally transform your life to take the responsibility of getting positive results.

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