How to Reset Boundaries & Claim Back Your Life With EFT

Admit it. There is someone in your life who is taking the ****.

It’s easy to feel trapped. Pushing the reset button isn’t that hard when you know how.

Are you ready? Here is the golden rule:

Others only do what we allow them to do.

It’s that simple.

The situation you have, has only been allowed to develop because you allowed it to. Whatever dependence, expectations, reliance, etc, others have on you, is only because you allowed it to happen in the first place, enough times, that it became a habit.

I know you didn’t intend it to.

But these expectations were being set, over time, as the emotional pain involved was not at a conscious-enough level for you to notice it.

Only now it’s causing a lot of pain on a conscious, everyday level, so it’s much more noticeable.

Here’s a simple guide on how to reset the boundaries and claim back your life using the new self-help method, EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).

1) Get Your Own Needs Met In Advance

Later, you will be expecting some form of ignoring, going in a huff, anger, resentment, or other reaction from this person, so let’s plan for your own emotional comfort in advance.

List, in order of importance to you, the needs you get met from this person, in whatever way, no matter how small. If you didn’t hear from this person for a while, what would be absent in your life? Love? Spirituality? Freedom? Adventure? What needs of yours does this person fulfil? Be honest. The dependence is not just one-way.

Now, pick the top 3 most-important-feeling ones (you can tap your way through the rest).

Think creatively, and deliberately set up other ways to get these needs met, no matter how unconventional. Setting this up now will make the band-aid much easier to pull off later.

(Even this preparation stage will ease the emotional discomfort of the problem in daily life as you know you’re making progress in the background.)

Also consider - In what other ways could you help this person meet their needs independently of you?

What ‘emotional outsourcing’ could you do?

2) Some Pre-Emptive Tapping For Your Emotional Comfort

More planning for your comfort.

Our main concern as EFTers is to collapse our own reactions and emotional meanings attached to the others in this situation.

Here are some setup statements you can use with EFT:

Even though, I’m scared of their reaction, cos they WILL react, I deeply & completely…

Even though, I’m assuming, that they’re my only source of love, there’s many many places I can get love, (including ME), I deeply & completely…

Even though, I may be assuming, that my love is the ONLY love for them, it’s all up to me to fulfil all their needs and wants, I’m the best, no-one else will do, I deeply & completely…

Even though, I might be forgetting, that I can love them from afar, and that my loving them doesn’t depend on whatever conditions I’ve setup or gotten used to, I deeply & completely…

(for romantic relationship situations) Even though, maybe I need to remind myself, that the best kind of love between 2 people is the inter-dependent kind, and not co-dependent like it is now, I deeply & completely…

Even though, the only way I can give of myself to others, is if I’m first loving myself, I deeply & completely…

Even though, I’m assuming that I am the only person in the world who can help/be a friend to/otherwise accommodate this person...of course I wouldn’t be over-estimating my importance in any of this…

Even though, in assuming all of this, I’m denying the plain fact that people adapt to circumstances, regardless of whether I’m in the equation or not…

3) Re-Set The Boundaries With Some Serious Door In The Face ACTION.

Likely you’ve already tried, in your own way, of verbally convincing them to do something different. It hasn’t worked.

There’s only one thing that speaks louder than words. (Personally I only ever pay attention to what people actually do and not what they say.)

So now…

4) Learn To Set Expectations

Here’s the thing. Managing relationships is all about managing expectations.

Let’s say I’m coming round to your place for an EFT session. We’re scheduled for 5pm. I ring the doorbell at 515 wearing a tux. Either I’m disturbed, or I have important plans for after our session.

You already know in advance that having a chit-chat at the end of our session is not on the cards.

An extreme example…but there are practical ways to manage expectations.

If I walk into the room for a chat, and you’re wearing headphones, I get the message to come back later. How could you manage the expectations of those around you in your life?

Here’s some other ways to set expectations:

5) Set Expectations Using Big Frames

Your changing ability to do x, y, or z, for someone else is not a result of your inflated me-time but a contributor to

- your ability to help others in future
- your financial survival
- your ongoing physical & emotional health

6) Do Normal Things At Odd Times.
You are sending a message here, with your behaviour, “things are changing” “I’m no longer the person I was before”. Any break from the norm is good. Mix it up.

7) In Your Agreements, Be Hesitant
When you agree to help out or take something on, be hesitant, even when sure on the inside. Making a habit of “let me think about it” or “I’ll get back to you” will encourage others to check the importance of their requests, before asking in future.

8) In Your Refusals, Be General
You don’t need to be rude. “I’m sorry, I’m unable to do that” said in the right way, will not attract further questions. There’s no need for further elaboration or justification. You are as worthy of your time & attention as anyone else.

9) Be Consistent
This is key! ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be consistent when setting new rules. Do NOT make exceptions.

Wherever possible limit your means of communicating with this person to only those mediums that support your introduction of these new rules, e.g. if you fold at the sight of a puppy dog face, limit communication to phone.

By the way, does doing any of these things mean you don’t love or care for this person, or that your intentions are bad? Of course not.

The thing is, others have become used to your ways of being, so you need to change it.

Will it be uncomfortable? Probably.

Will you reclaim your own time, life, space, and freedom? Most definitely.

Can you see how this could help someone struggling to…

…care for someone full time
…reframe their anger at a loved one
…define boundaries in a friendship
…enable their child to be more independent?

Look up the free resources below to learn about EFT and claim back your life!