How to Fix a Troubled Marriage By Sean Goudelock At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

Various demographic groups have revealed the shocking truth that about 41-43% of marriages today ends in divorce. This statistical analysis was presented by Glenn T. Stanton, the Senior Analyst for Marriage and Sexuality at Focus on the Family and the Director of Global for Cultural and Family Renewal. Stanton's research only reveals that Christians who attend the church regularly have 35% lower rates than secular couples. Such trend is also shown with active Catholics and Protestants. However, Christians who seldom attend church have higher chances of getting a divorce than those secular couples. In this research, it's only visible that with the enormous rates of divorce in these three religions, it's unspeakable that troubled marriage is one of the major issues that families face today.

Troubled marriage is like a cancer that grows. Together with divorce, various problems continuously arise and affect the families. Nevertheless, when marriage is troubled, you should fix it right away. It's but the only crucial thing to do to regain peace of mind. The following are guidelines for you to follow in fixing your troubled marriage2:

1. Fear underlies control issues. - Control truly creates problems in marriages. The problems that you may have experienced during those times are understandably intense. However, they tend to include rage against the other person. Most people feel security when the people around them have the same opinions, choices and beliefs as them. Your fears and safety needs add to your wants for others to be like you. There is this adage saying, "There is safety in numbers." This adage only explains ones primitive fear of being alone. To fix your troubled marriage, don't dwell on these fears. Taking in control by predicting the behavior and expectations of others is not truly taking in control.

2. Expecting your spouse to be like you only harms your marriage. - Control issues also drive you to thinking that your spouse is an extension of yourself. This kind of view results to dictating others from the hair to the friends, or even to the views and opinions that your spouse holds. While your spouse may try to change to give you your peace of mind, you are building a parent-child dynamic. This relationship could then foster resentment or even rebellion. To fix your troubled marriage, stop expecting too much!

3. Calling names and using insults are attempts to regain control. - During troubled marriages, pathological behaviors are also triggered at certain times. For instance, a partner becomes angry that the spouse fails to follow one could turn out to be emotionally or physically abusive. Giving punishment may just be the thinking of the other person that name calling or even derogatory put-downs are thrown to the other half. Such control issue should be changed. Calm yourself and stop for a moment. Ask yourself and think about your response. Is it right?

If you want to fix your troubled marriage, fix your control issues first. Who knows? The problem could've just been about it all along.

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