The Infidelity Epidemic… Are Good Women Causing Their Men to Cheat?

Straying husbands. Bed-bouncing boyfriends. Broken trust. Getting caught. Trying NOT to get caught.

What’s causing all this hanky-panky? And who’s mostly to blame for today’s outbreak of cheating? Is it philandering men? The other women? OR the wives and girlfriends who unknowingly compel their mates to cheat?

In today’s bedroom annals, it’s not exactly what you might think. Even the recent much-talked-about hit movie Sex and the City brought to light new insights into how some women are unknowingly setting their men up to cheat. Yet one wonders why those same unsuspecting women are devastated and “mad as hell” when they find out that their men have been to bed with other women.

But does cheating seem to naturally happen when an uninterested gal doesn’t give her man enough sexual satisfaction? Exactly what changes in the relationship and the bedroom, turning things from honeymoon happiness to hearing that dreaded “Not tonight, I have a headache” mantra?

The truth is, when unfaithfulness occurs there is enough blame on both sides of the bed. A woman who’s lukewarm under the sheets, or downright disinterested and dismissive, can’t deny that much of her bedroom behaviors could be driving an otherwise loving husband into somebody’s else arms. Maybe even permanently!

Wake up girls! Watch what’s starting the cheating process.

First of all, most men really don’t understand much about the women in their beds. Interviews across the country have revealed that many women are sexually unfulfilled, frustrated, and confused … not by men, but by their own lack of understanding about their own bodies.

Sadly, most of us learned about sex in the 7th grade locker room from our best friends, or, of course, in those sex ed classes where adults filled us with fear that having sex either led to getting a baby or getting a disease. The message either way: You just weren’t supposed to do it!

We were certainly never taught much about the intricacies of our own bodies. We were never taught about finding pleasure or sexual satisfaction. There was certainly no talk about proper body parts. Boys, we learned, had penises and girls had vaginas. As if that was the end of it. The assumption was that we were supposed to figure it out once we were married or at least in a committed relationship. Well, sadly enough, many women never did figure “it” out. And as a result, many are missing out on the wonders of great sex and may be inadvertently causing much of the sexual dissatisfaction and male/female communication problems going on out there.

This lack of understanding of their own bodies has led many women to short-changing themselves in the sexual department. While women initially may have been willing sex partners with their mates, if they didn’t know how to achieve their own satisfaction, much less explain their needs to their partner, the end result could be one happy man (who blissfully falls asleep right afterwards) and one less-than-smiling (and disillusioned) woman.

Unfortunately, as Meg Ryan so aptly showed us years ago in When Harry Met Sally, a good woman can fake her satisfaction well enough to leave any man thinking he’s a stud and believing that she’ll be excited about a repeat performance -- when in fact many women just can’t wait for lovemaking to be over.

These women naturally pull away from their men. Who wants night after night of disappointment and play-acting? And whether the disappointment is subtle or obvious, the men notice. And then THEY pull away from their women.

Of course for women who used sex as a means to capture a man, then once hooked, turn cold in the sex department, they only have themselves to blame if their men quit being interested and end up coming home late more and more often, probably finding comfort elsewhere.

But we have to ask: Are men at all responsible in this complex puzzle?

Here are some interesting points:

* The biggest thing that men do wrong is to assume they understand women. The truth is, even if a man has a fabulous sexual relationship with one gal, the next one can be so very different that all bets are off that her needs will even remotely be the same.

* The differences between women are huge. And assuming that they are all alike can be the kiss of death -- even for a well-intentioned guy who has put some time into studying the fairer sex.

* Both men and women need a re-education about sex, and should spend time learning about each others’ anatomy, desires, fantasies, sensations, and the intricacies of what makes each of us tick.

* Porn sites and sex films (which are mostly written and directed by men) do NOT educate anyone accurately. They’re the basis of some of our biggest and most harmful sex myths.

* Research shows that guys think about sex in some fashion about every 52 seconds. Women do so about once a day. Another difference between the genders!

* Men want to feel validated as men, and sex helps them do that. Women want to feel loved and needed and cherished. And -- surprise! -- lovemaking helps them feel that.

* When things get out of whack in the bedroom, it definitely spills over into the rest of the relationship.

* Not every couple needs a sex therapist. But every man and woman needs to take steps towards better understanding about the opposite sex and themselves.

* Until women do a better job of understanding their own bodies, communicating their needs to their lovers, and embracing the fact that sex is a fabulous gift that we as humans are blessed with -- and NOT a chore -- our bedroom issues will only continue. And so will cheating, divorce, and heartache.