The "Give To Get" Philosophy

What does it mean to “Give to Get?” It is a philosophy and way of life that centers around selfless actions on behalf of others. The benefits are not known, yet returned to the giver. The first step in giving to get is the hardest because you have no idea what you are going to get. Is it worth it? What if I don’t get what I want? What if I don’t get anything at all?

There is no balance of trade with giving to get. There is no arbiter of “value” who ensures that what was gotten measures up to what was given. No one is “due” to get because they have given. It just happens and it happens in ways that the giver could not have expected. But, many people never start for fear of the unknown or because their personal philosophy has become simply about struggling to hold onto what they have.

The point is to give without knowing what, if anything, you will get in return. Humans are wired to give. We are wired to help one another. Unfortunately through life we begin to place a value on what we give and if disappointed with the return, we feel we’ve been cheated, that we have been foolish. And we stop giving.

“Giving to Get” is a simple concept, but sometimes because of its simplicity, it is misunderstood. Giving to Get is not about “giving” with the expectation of a specific return, or any return at all, for that matter. If the expectation of return does not match the giver’s perceived generosity, there is disappointment.

Donating one million dollars to a university to have one’s name placed on a building, is an act of generosity (and should be applauded and recognized), but it is not “Giving to Get.” It is simply a business deal. Handing five dollars to a homeless man while traveling in a town far from home is “Giving to Get.” Giving without an expectation of return or without any outside pressure or recognition (other than a thank you) is the basis of giving to get.

“Giving to Get” is also not about money. In the vast majority of cases, “Giving to Get” is not even related to money. Money can be a substitute for effort. For some, money is just an efficient means to make a difference. But for others it is about something far more valuable than money. It is about a transaction in humanity.

We each have a bank account that is never ending. That bank account is filled with kind words, smiles, pats on the back and other forms of encouragement. Our bank accounts can never be exhausted, but we should try. Rather than giving money one can give time, interest, encouragement, applause, a handshake, a hug, praise or deserved thanks. You can also offer an open door, space under an umbrella or a helping hand. You don’t need money to “Give to Get.” You give because it increases your connection with humanity. You Give to Get because you’re human.

What do you get? Well, it is a little like Forrest Gump’s mother said “Life’s a box of chocolates, Forrest. You never know what you’re gonna get.”

Here are two stories about Giving to Get. One is mine; the other is the experience of a close friend.

One fall afternoon I was driving home with two tickets to that evening’s local, sold out college football game. It was the last game of the season. As passed by an orphanage, I decided out of nowhere that I was going to give the tickets away. It was about ninety minutes to kickoff, but I thought, “what the heck,” maybe they can use them. I pulled into the driveway and walked to the door. A kind elderly lady opened the door and I informed her that I had two tickets for that night’s game if they could use them. She turned and shouted “Johnnie.” A bright faces boy of about 12 or 13 came running to the entryway. The woman said, “Johnnie, this man has two tickets to the game tonight. I guess you get to go after all.” Johnnie suddenly started dancing around and shouting. He was out of his mind with joy. The woman turned to me and said “we can only take the kids if we have tickets for an adult on staff to sit with them. All of the boys here have gotten to go to a football game this season; all except for Johnnie. Now he’ll get to go. You made it just in time.”

Seeing the excitement on that boy’s face and knowing that he wasn’t going to be the only child who didn’t get to attend a football game that year was all I needed to get. If somewhere along the way, I got something more, well, that was just a bonus.

Sandy was driving to work one day and decided that she was going to take all the money in her purse and give it to a complete stranger, to someone who could use the money. When she arrived at work she pulled her wallet out of her purse and counted. She had $118. Well, she thought, someone is going to get $118 and I hope it can help them in some way. An hour later she received a call from the human resources department. Sandy had been laid off due to the downturn in the economy. She struggled with the emotional strain and shock of being suddenly unemployed and reconsidered her idea to give the money away. She could use it for her family and probably would need the extra money as she started her job search. Then she thought, “No, I decided to give it away. It is not mine anymore, I made the decision.”

On her way home she saw an elderly man by the roadside. He looked as though he lived on the streets and was in need of food, clothing and anything else that a stranger wanted to give him. Sandy pulled her car alongside the man and rolled down her window. She reached across and handed the man an envelope with the $118 inside. The man had no idea what was in the envelope, but he said “God bless you.” Sandy smiled and drove off. She was still burdened with the sudden job loss, but giving the money to the man somehow made her feel alive and connected to the world.

When she got home she pulled the mail out of her mailbox. Inside was an envelope from her mortgage company. Oh great, she thought. She took the mail inside and opened the envelope. The mortgage company had overcharged her for escrow on her property taxes and they were refunding the overage. Inside there was a check for $118.

Now, had she chosen not to give the money to the stranger, she would have had an extra $118, so some might argue that giving the money away was wrong. Sandy knows better.

(Originally published at GoArticles and reprinted with permission from the author, Steve O'Brien).