How Will Recession Change Your Love Life?

The title of this article implies your romantic situation may be impacted by the recession. Reading those words, did you expect the worst?

Surprisingly, for many, romance improves during tough financial times. And it’s not desperation.

In fact, how the coming recession specifically affects your emotional life depends on you: your flexibility, attitude, judgment, and willingness to stay open and ride the tide. Changed financial circumstances (or its possibility in the near future) can be your best friend.

Or even your ultimate matchmaker.

But this doesn’t meet you’ll be settling for less. Not at all. You may be attracting—and making decisions on—romance partners based upon deeper values than you did before. Here’s how:

1. When relationships are more easily acquired than tangibles, people look to
each other, instead of things, to feel better.

When one can no longer flash the hot new electronic device or hide behind a cool outfit to gain points, or take the gang to the latest club as a way of bonding, people are forced to attract each other based on the inner qualities.

You get to know who they really are. Faster and more easily.

This can lead to deeper friendships and truer love. Or to knowing quickly and directly that someone simply isn’t for you. I say the earlier, the better. This “early detection” is a blessing that can reduce heartache, disappointment, and the loss of energy and resources, emotional and financial.

2. Deeper friendships lead to stronger, truer, more reliable love relationships.

When life isn’t picture perfect, you get to see each other for who you are in tough situations. In other words, you get a fuller, truer picture of the person you might be choosing to commit to. This could help you avoid some nasty surprises down the road.

On the other hand, romance needs some pleasure and positivity to help it thrive, and to induce both partners to keep coming back for more.

So don’t let a bleak economic picture keep you from enjoying each other and all the emotional goodies that are pleasurable and free. And despite the many chances to see
The Real You when discussing everything from dinners out to the bargain matinee vs. the seven o’clock show, do keep the sparks of romance alive.

3. Tough times can provoke greater clarity and true vision: in times like these you get to see who people really are—a boon to making better choices.

With less money and fewer fine accoutrements to hide behind, and an underlying nervousness about what is on the horizon, you may get to see potential love partners psychically nude.

That’s good.

Better to know now that when the heat is on, he bolts or she gets selfish. Or, more happily, that you are both willing to share resources and amuse yourselves with things that cost little but help build closeness.

4. If sticking to the usual (friends, meeting places, attitudes, pastimes) was partly responsible for your limited love life, recession may force you to be in different places, acquire new habits and patterns—and lead to finding love when & where you rarely went before.

During the last recession, K. met her now-husband on the unemployment line. Many met new people to befriend and date. Banding together to improve their lot, people can assist each other with career ideas, stories that cheer the spirit, and dog sitting (yes, really).

Of course there are some things to watch for, especially when times are difficult. As your mother warned years ago, beware of opportunists who feel desperate as they find themselves tightening their belts.

Even more important, beware of your own needs and signs of desperation. When we feel scared or alone, we may reach out to partners we would not have chosen otherwise.

Sometimes this is useful, especially if you have become too particular—about the wrong things. If you’ve been judging your dates wholly on their cars, homes, bank accounts, and social set, the recession may actually improve your choice making: alerting you to the importance of loyalty, kindness, and trustworthiness over wealth.

And if you have been generous when vetting potential life partners, continue enjoying that kind spirit at the same time as you allow your natural protection mechanisms to alert you to something suspicious. Trusted friends who know you well can help in this regard.

Once you’ve dated someone new and become interested, consider arranging a double date with a trusted couple and get their gut reactions to your new special someone.

If this feels uncomfortable to you, or like a betrayal of your new partner, know that it really is okay to protect yourself. Anyone who wants the best for you will understand, including a new girlfriend or boyfriend.©2009 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.