Self Esteem Boosters For Tweens

With all the ups and downs out there – from the stock market to the job market, it feels like our collective psyche is taking a bruising. On the one hand, it’s easy to tell ourselves to avoid the news, since it all seems bad and there is little we can do about it. But on the other hand, it’s hard not to let some of the noise slip in. And the bad news is that you might not be the only one who’s feeling the pain. Our children are extremely sensitive to collective mood and while they may not be reading the Wall Street Journal to trace the routes of the financial crisis, it would be silly of us not to think they have some inkling of what’s going on – and it can be a real downer. So whether your daughter is responding to the national mood or is just absorbed in her own private melodrama, here are some warning signs of a self esteem beat down and some tips on how to lift it back up.

Excessive worrying about what others think. Yes, this may sound like normal behavior, but if she’s always talking about what so and so thinks, can be a key indicator that your daughter is pegging her self worth on forces outside of her control. Remind her that most people don’t spend too much time thinking about themselves to think about her as much as she thinks they do.

Comparing herself negatively to others – of course it’s hard not to compare, but watch the tenor of the talk. If your kid is too hard on herself, it’s time to remind her of her great qualities.

Expecting to be perfect – We all need to cut ourselves some slack.. Remind her that everyone makes mistakes, not everything on the to do list gets done and sometimes, no matter how hard we study, we won’t get an A. Remind her that what’s important is trying her best and learning from her mistakes

Playing the “I’ll be happy when game…” We all do this, trying to tack on self worth onto having or doing something, as if this will solve all of your problems and we will ’magically” feel good. While something like the latest and greatest outfit can make our day, it really provides more than a fleeting boost. It’s important to tell our children that happiness is really a choice – a way of looking at the world, and has nothing to do with possessions.

So if your child is having some self-esteem issues, what can you do to help her boost it back up?

Keep a pride journal – this is a version of the gratitude journal, where each day you reflect on all the things you have to be thankful for, both big and small. A few days of this makes most of realize that things are pretty good. The pride journal is similar – have your daughter list all of the things that day that she’s proud of doing. From finishing homework on time to scoring a goal in gym class. With the results listed in black and white, she’ll start to see what an accomplished and talented person she really is. And this is a great thing to do together – you can guide in her seeing that accomplishments, no matter how small, should be celebrated.

Set some goals – If your daughter is really having a rough spell then talk about what would make her feel better. If it’s trouble in school that’s making her feel “stupid” then perhaps it’s time to come up with some goals and a plan of action to achieve them. Look for goals that are achievable within a short amount of time. Now’s the time to build back confidence with some “quick wins.”

And finally, make sure there is time built into the plan to savor her success. Using the pride journal or simply remembering the moment when you celebrated her improvement on a math test can be a powerful feeling for her to tap into the next time she needs a reminder of wonderful she really is.