The Truth About Women And Words In Dating And It’s NOT About “Dating By J. Alanis At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

The Truth About Women And Words In Dating

Have you ever had the experience of a woman telling you something, you taking it at face value, only to discover that she meant something else? Pretty frustrating, huh?

Why do women do this, why do they want men to “figure them out” instead of just telling them something straight up? To us, telling someone something straight up makes perfect sense—it’s how we interact with our guy friends.

But women communicate differently, and the same words spoken by a woman can have way different meanings and outcomes than words spoken by a man.

See, women make decisions based on internal feelings in the moment, whereas men tend to take a more literal view of things. Since women use internal feelings as a primary decision making process, they are sensitive to others feelings as well—and will often say something that is designed more not to disturb the other person’s feelings than to express an action she’s about to take.

Men just pretty much say what’s on their mind, and expect others to do the same. That’s why taking what a woman says at face value, like we would do for a guy can be so frustrating. But, if you understand the process that’s going on, it can actually be very enlightening.

Here’s what to do: when she says something to you that has an emotional connotation (do you like me, am I fat, you don’t understand me, etc., etc.,) don’t respond on a logical level. Respond in a way that creates the emotional state she wants you to put her in—attraction, uncertainty, and responding to authority.

All she’s asking you to do is change her emotional state to something she would prefer to feel. Sometimes that involves listening, sometimes a naughty comment, sometimes something that makes her laugh, and sometimes a demonstration of authority.

How do you know when to do what? By paying close attention to how she reacts to what you say to what she says. As you go through time, you’ll build a pretty complete cause-and-effect map of what to say and do when she says something. What you’ll discover is, most things she says fall into three or four categories, and so you only have to know one way to deal with each one.

What this does is, allows you to anticipate her behavior, something women crave in a man. Ever heard, “he always knows what I’m thinking?” This is usually said in a dreamy sort of way, because women love a man who knows what she’s thinking, but they can rarely find one.

So, if you master this skill (and it’s really easy to do), you’ll be known as that rare guy who “knows women.”

It’s NOT About “Dating”…

Want to know a sure-fire way to fail with women? Ask one on a “date”—you’ll be done before you start. How do I know? Because I tested it over and over and over, and every time I went on a traditional “date,” I never saw her again.

Why does this happen? The answer is simple: every guy asks a woman on a date, and if she goes on one with you, you’re just another guy (a JAG). Women don’t want JAG’s—they want a guy who’s different, a guy who creates attraction. Dating is also a very structured, uncomfortable ritual—you dress nicely, bring her flowers, go eat at a swanky restaurant, all the while wondering if you’re going to “get some.” Then at the end of the night, you wonder if you’re going to “get a kiss.” After it’s over you call your friends, and she calls hers to evaluate the whole ordeal.

No wonder dating sucks—it’s no fun at all, and it’s set up to fail from the beginning. So, I just don’t date. I “allow” a woman to spend time with me to see how much we can enjoy each other’s company over coffee. If she asks me “is this a date?” I say, “oh no, I don’t date. This isn’t dating, this is discovery. I get to discover if I like you or not!” They always love that response because it lets them know immediately I’m different from any other guy they ever met, and the experience they have with me will be vastly different than anything they’ve ever done before. And then they start to pursue me.

So, don’t date, discover!

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