Christian Marriage Counseling -- Why Traditional Approaches Don’t Work

We know it’s probably hard to admit, but if you are here to learn about Christian marriage counseling, there’s at least an even chance that you and your spouse have become one of those couples that I’m sure you promised each other you would never become before you ever got married.

I’m sure you know the couple that were referring to. They’re the ones that always seem to be bickering. The ones that can hardly hide their frustration with each other. They’re the couple that you always used to watch from a distance, and just know in your gut that one -- or maybe both -- of them was having an affair.

Unfortunately, even though you and your spouse probably made a pledge to each other that you would never become that couple, in the Christian church they are the rule as opposed to the exception.

We now have a divorce rate that’s above 50%. It has to be obvious now to anyone who’s paying attention that whatever we’ve been doing just isn’t working.

That part is easy. We know that something has to change. But what?

Why is it, despite the fact that thousands upon thousands of pages have been written about this topic, hours upon hours of sermons have been delivered and massive amounts of time and energy has been spent by counselors, do we still find it so hard to have relationships that match our expectations and God’s plan?

The answer is pretty obvious, if not altogether easy to accept. And we’re going to get to exactly what the solution is in the second -- stay tuned for that, because it just might save your marriage.

But before we get into that, we first wanted to reveal why it is that no matter how hard you tried to make your relationship work in the past, that you still are finding yourself here reading this article at this moment.

Here’s the truth about traditional marriage counseling in general, and traditional Christian marriage counseling in particular...

It doesn’t work.

Now, that shouldn’t exactly be a revelation if you’ve been paying attention up until now. But as with most things, the hard part isn’t identifying that there’s a problem. The hard part is identifying what the solution is.

Well, let’s see. If you’ve been following traditional Christian marriage counseling or advice, you’ve probably tried some of the traditional approaches to your relationship -- you may have tried the “wife must submit” approach, the “wife must respect her husband” approach, or perhaps the “husband is the servant leader” approach. Have any of those worked for you?

These are the same things that we tried 14 years ago when our own marriage was rapidly deteriorating and heading straight for divorce. So you’re certainly not alone. It was only when we finally discovered the truth about what God really intends for our relationships that we completely turned everything around (see below for more on this).

The real heart of the problem is that much of the advice that passes as Christian marriage counseling today is completely misguided. I guess what we’re saying is that the Bible has been misinterpreted.

So let’s focus on what works.