8 Steps to a Memorable Bar or Bat Mitzvah

Let the kvelling begin! Coming of age is a major milestone in your child's life—and yours, and it's terrific reason to celebrate. Believe it or not, planning a Bar or Bat Mitzvah party can be almost as stressful and complicated as planning a wedding, because many of the same elements (invitations, a venue, a menu, etc.) require your time and attention.

To help you move through the process calmly and thoroughly, here are eight steps designed to keep you on track and unstressed:

Pick a date. Establish a day for the service itself with your rabbi, but remember to give yourself plenty of time to plan, as much as a year or two. The service at which your child reads the haftorah might be a Friday evening, Saturday morning or Saturday evening. The party itself can be the same evening or the following evening. You might even want to wait until Sunday.

Ask your child what kind of party he or she would like. After all, it is all about the celebrant, and the party is going to be full of tweens and teens! Some kids just want a dinner and dance, some prefer a pool party or a roller-skating party, and others might want to party at an amusement park. My friends' daughter was into rock-wall climbing, so her Bat Mitzvah celebration was held at a local indoor rock-climbing gym. A caterer brought the food in, there was a DJ on staff, and the kids had a ball! The parents had fun, too, watching their kids brave the wall while schmoozing and noshing.

Set a budget. Your budget should be based on the kind of party you're having and the estimated number of people to be invited. If the bar mitzvah boy wants his party at an amusement park, call the park or go online to find out about group rates and facilities. Most amusement parks have areas you can rent for a picnic or barbecue. Your budget should cover invitations, entry or rental charges, food, decorations, favors, a DJ or a band. Again, it depends on the type of party.

Choose a venue. If your child simply wants a dinner and dance, you'll need to find a location. It may be a banquet room in a hotel, a restaurant with a private room for parties or a special-event facility. Call around to see what the different venues have to offer, and don't be afraid to negotiate for a good price on the rental and the catering. Let the different venues know you're shopping for the best deal. Don't act anxious, or they'll be less inclined to offer specials, throw in freebies, or aggressively pursue your business.

Plan the menu. Whether it's professionally catered or self-catered, you need to create the menu. What kind of appetizers, salad, entrée, drinks and dessert will you serve? Since your guest list is mostly kids, gear your menu toward them. Work within your budget.

Create the guest list. Start with the family and friends you want to invite. Ask your child to make up a guest list, too. Don't forget to include the rabbi and spouse, as well as other teachers or coaches who helped your child reach this milestone. Put the two lists together and make cuts, if necessary, to stay within budget.

Hire a Disc Jockey. Look for DJs who have experience with Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. Find out where they're appearing and go listen. When you sign the contract, be clear on the date, time, location, etc., and include a list of the songs you and your child want played during the evening. Call to confirm a week or two before the event.

Decorations and Favors. Table decorations should be plenty for most Bar and Bat Mitzvah parties. You might have a main table or buffet table with a centerpiece, a cake and photos of your child and your family through the years. You can always add meaningful elements, like Stars of David or a chai. Favors for the adults might be a gourmet treat-filled, blue-and-white favor box that features a laser-cut Star of David. Favors for the kids can be almost anything kids enjoy, like glow sticks, glow necklaces, light-up pens, t-shirts and almost anything that blinks. Lots of these can be personalized for a special touch.

Remember—this is a happy time, so don't let Bar or Bat Mitzvah planning make you meshugah. Have fun—and Mazel Tov!