Communicating Successfully With Your Child Using NLP

As adults it is important to remember that the language we use can have a major impact on the way it is interpreted by a child.

Perhaps you may want your child to finish his or her dinner and the child finds it’s quite amusing to play with the food by throwing it. You then raise your voice and say “Don’t throw your food” the interesting thing is that your child will not register the “Don’t” That is because the brain cannot process negatives. The child hears “Throw your food” Whatever you say to yourself consciously you’re unconscious will seek to prove you right. There is a part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System and it will work even if what you are saying is negative.

As you read this have a go now to see how this works:

“Don’t think of the queen…”

You will either have an image of the Queen or you may hear the sound of her voice or perhaps have a feeling towards her. Your brain will scan through all its memories and find something associated with the queen and then go oops I’m not meant to think about that. Therefore you have to do it in order to not do it. So it is important to remember to focus on the things you do want as opposed to the things you don’t want.

You could say to your child, “Quickly finish the food so we can play together” and have them focus on playing together after they’ve finished their food.

You may ask your child to go and clean their room. For a child this can be very a big demand. They become lost and the task just appears far too big, their concentration levels aren’t as high as adults. It helps to break it down for example to ask them to pick up their clothes off the floor, do the bed up etc.

A clever way that I found works with children that makes them feel they are making the decision but in fact the end result is what you want. In NLP we call it a double bind. It basically is a set of options where the individual feels they are making the choice. For example if I want my child to go to bed I will say would you like to go to bed at 8.15 or 8.30 they will always say the latter. I want them to be in bed by half eight but they are left feeling they are in control and have made the choice. For example;

Would you like to do your homework now or in 10 minutes?

Would you like to read a book or write a story?

Would you like a bath or shower?

Do you want to play on the Playstation or go on the Computer?

The language we use is very important the chid will live up to whatever we tell him or her. If you say to your child consistently that you’re not confident or we talk about the child as not very confident to others they will feel they have a label and will live up to it. Alternatively if you say to your child “You’re a genius” they will start to believe that and produce even better results.

For more information on how to use NLP with Kids visit www.NLP4Kids.org