7 Steps on How to Save Your Relationship or Marriage

What went wrong and when did it got wrong? These are just some of the questions you ask yourself when you are trying to save your relationship or marriage. You really care for the person and you don’t want to lose them, but you are not sure what to do to save your relationship from falling apart.

All relationships and marriages go through ups and downs. The true test of how strong a relationship or marriage is depends on how well you handle the ups and downs. We are all humans and we all make mistakes. Sometimes we do things that we know we shouldn’t do and when we get caught, we want forgiveness. I have a saying “you don’t go to jail for stealing, you go to jail for getting caught stealing”. The main two problems that most relationships or marriages face that can cause a breakup are money and cheating.

Lack of money to pay bills or if one person in the relationship is spending too much money will cause major problems within the relationship. When you are broke or you don’t’ have money to do the things you want to do, this adds stress to any relationship. You tend to be on edge around each other and you are constantly trying to find ways to make a dollar out of fifteen cents.

Cheating or infidelity is a major reason why many relationships fail. Once you lose trust in the individual that cheated, it’s hard for them to regain that trust. People cheat for all types of reasons and you will never figure out why that person cheated. You can have to most solid relationship and still have one of the parties cheat. And women cheat just as much as a man and it’s hard to explain why anyone would cheat. I could go on for days and to some of the reason people give for cheating, but what’s the point.

A relationship takes a team effort in order to survive the challenges brought on my life. In order to resolve many of the problems faced by most relationships, you have to ask a few basic questions. Why is the relationship failing in the first place? Why you no longer talk to each other anymore, instead you talk at each other. Somebody in the relationship feels like their needs are not being met and they want a change.

Let’s look at 7 steps you can do the try and save your relationship:

Step 1 – Communication. When two people do not know how to communicate in a healthy manner, obviously it's only a matter of time before things fall apart. Some people deal with communication issues by screaming; other people run away. Neither of these solutions is healthy. Pointing the finger and constantly bringing up the faults of one's partner, or constantly bringing up the past, will cause severe destruction within the relationship.

Step 2 – No Longer Giving. Relationships are all about giving and taking. When you have an imbalance of giving and taking you will have problems. You can’t have one person giving 80% and the other person giving 20%. Or you can have one person that is always receiving and never giving. You have to find ways to compromise with each other. You will never strike a complete balance of both people giving 50%, but you can tip the scale in a more balance way. Some people are just natural givers and they enjoy giving. The problem is that the person receiving can take all that giving as a sign of weakness. Then they just keep on taking and taking and never give anything in return. This is an area that you have to sit down and talk about with each other.

Step 3 – Lack of Support. It is nothing worse than no getting the support you need from your partner. You have to find ways to support and encourage each other. Lack of support leads to people doing things behind their partners back. The tricky part is knowing when to support and idea or suggestion.

Step 4 – Know how to manage conflict. Stuff happens and you got to find ways to deal with conflict when they come up. Screaming and yelling at each other will not solve your conflict. Instead it will only lead to more conflict. It’s better to talk to each other in a rational voice than it is to just scream and shout at each other. I know some people get pretty emotional about certain topics and they tend to get pretty loud to express themselves.
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tep 5 – Selfishness. Selfishness is the root of all relationship problems. When we are selfish we think of ourselves first and foremost. We ignore the needs of others and become ego centric. Ego centric people are never easy to live with; they tend to be a drain on relationships. When we are selfish we want the praise, support and backing of others; but, we are not willing to give anything in return.

Step 6 – Blame Game. - Whoever we spend time with will undoubtedly have faults. Successful relationships require a certain tolerance of others’ weaknesses. If we keep picking up on the faults of over people, expecting them to change, we create permanent tension. For example, your partner or friend may not share your judgments that they are faults. This does not mean we have to ignore when others do wrong things

Step 7 – Needs vs. Wants. Another problem that most couples have is understanding the difference between needs and wants. A need is something you must have to sustain life and to live your life. A want is something you just want and is nice to have. You can work on ways to satisfy needs, but wants are up for discussion. I want a new car, I want a new boat, I want a new dress, and I want a new purse. You got to find ways to take care of the needs and set goals for the wants.