Helping Children Deal With Divorce By Dave Ouma At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

If before long, you will happen to be a single parent due to divorce, you are likely concerned about how your children will be affected along with how you will deal with this great change in your own life. The initial thing that you need to do is recognize and acknowledge that you will in all probability not be able to function normally, as a parent or person, for a sometime. You and your children will need time to adjust to a new mode of living your lives. However, how do you make this change and transition as easy as possible for your child, while adjusting to your new life yourself? In the following article, I wish to address this issue.

The first thing that you need to do is to talk with to your children before any type of separation takes place. Try planning your talk during the weekend so that there is enough time for your children to think about what they are told before having to go back to daycare or school. If at all possible, both you and your spouse ought to meet with your children. If this is not possible, then both of you should take turns. If you have multiple children talk to each one separately. In very simple language, explain what is about to take place. As an example, you may say that both of you have decided not to live mutually in the same house anymore. Make sure that you let them know that this makes you extremely sad and also acknowledge that you expect them to be hurt by this news. Make sure that you reassure her that all your problems are not due to her and that both of you still love her. Make sure that you let your child to express their feelings, whether this is in words, tears, or just an angry outburst. As they express their feelings, try to remain as calm as possible, and be prepared for questions. Depending on the age of your child, you might be asked why you are getting separated or divorced, who she will be living with, and if she will be able to see the other spouse who is leaving. Your children may also question as to whether you will be moving, if there is enough money in the family, if she will go to the same school and keep on having the same friends. Many of these questions will stem from her own fears about what mayl happen to her. Try to answer them as directly and be as specific as is possible. Make every effort to remind your children that your job and her other parent's job is to make sure that she is taken care and that she will continue to be cherished and cared for.

Try recognizing your child's feelings during this process and also thereafter. While the divorce is taking place and likely for a sometime thereafter, your children are likely to experience a wide range of feelings. Make a point of allowing them to express their feelings, including fear, fear, disappointment, betrayal, sadness, and loneliness. If your children act out in anger, you should let them know that you fully understand that they are angry, but this should not mean you will allow her to misbehave themselves. Depending on their age, they might at times blame either one of the parents and or possibly herself for the divorce. You should make a point of letting them know that the divorce was beyond their control. Try to explain that this is a decision that grown up made and that they did not cause it and cannot influence the decision. Be cautious of the fact that your children may have their own conflicting feelings of loyalty toward either of the parents. Try your best not to encourage her to favor one parent over the other. Make a point of encouraging them to have positive feelings about both of their parents. It is very important to maintain a positive relationship with the other parent. Even though you will no longer be married, both of you will always be parents. Make the best effort to ensure that your child maintains a positive relationship with the parent that does not have custody through regular visits.

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