Making it Through a Divorce Financially and Emotionally

The big “D” word, divorce, has become exceedingly prevalent in society. Whether a person is going through it by a personal choice or one made by their partner, divorce is extremely taxing on both partners. The difficulties are manifested in many forms, but chief among these are emotional and financial strains.

The financial stress can come about in many ways. In most cases the partners have become dependent upon each other financially, or maybe one of them was generating the entire income. Added to the separation of the finances is the fact that the largest expense of the couple, their house, is now doubled. There are court fees, lawyer fees, spousal support, child support, and many other account-draining factors.

In the best of financial situations there is no contest over property, no custody suit, and no support to provide. For these matters to be so cleanly decided, however, requires a great deal of cooperation, which was likely lost during the marriage and led to the divorce in the first place. When the circumstances are imperfect, here are a few tips to keep the costs down and set you up for success on the back side of the divorce:

1) Complete and file as many of the court documents yourself as possible. This reduces your lawyer’s fees and tailors the case to your individual needs. If you can manage the entire case without a lawyer even better, but be cautious with this approach; especially if your spouse has retained a lawyer’s services.

2) Remain amicable and cooperative with your spouse. The more issues you work out on your own, the less time you will spend arguing in front of a judge. Fierce legal suits are extremely expensive, and most of people will give more ground when ground is given them.

3) Keep other expenses to a minimum. Keep in mind, also, that this might be an automatic requirement of the court with jurisdiction over your case. Such requirements are rarely spelled out for you, rather they are assumed. Research the court’s requirements before you start buying things with the money the court will be considering as mutual property.

4) Thoroughly and specifically review your financial situation, especially if you were not involved with the bookkeeping during the marriage.

Emotionally the ancillary effects of divorce are quite varied. Suddenly the house is quieter, the bed empty. If there are children involved, suddenly there is less time and more stress in the day. There is no one readily available with whom to share thoughts and feelings. The lack of some or all of these things may have actually led to the divorce, but often they are more keenly felt afterward.

Though it is not very realistic to expect complete emotional well-being during and after a divorce, there are some things that can be specifically avoided. Neither spouse need succumb to depression, anxiety, or extreme stress. Some things you might do to prevent these are:

1) Take some time for yourself. Whether it’s a day at the spa, a horseback ride, or time doing nothing but reading or watching movies do something that you enjoy and can relax at.

2) Use your support network. Go to your family and friends and share your frustration and troubles; you need not do this entirely alone. A word of caution here, however. Do not return completely to “single” life until the divorce process is complete. Not only damage your case severely, but it might also make any chance of reconciliation impossible.

3) Try something new. Whether it’s a new restaurant, meditation, yoga, or any other of the multitude of activities out there, little distractions can be quite invigorating. Keep in mind the finance tips above, however.

4) Hire a counselor. Getting professional help with your emotions is never a bad thing; most people would be well-advised to get help even in normal times, and divorce is certainly not a normal time.

These are hardly exhaustive lists, nor are emotional and financial concerns the only considerations during a divorce. Ultimately every couple going through this very difficult time needs to examine their own situation and implement strategies of coping and rising from the ashes. These things must, however, be considered. Do not let yourself fall into a place where stress incapacitates you.

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, there will be especially rough spots, with both finances and emotions. When these times strike reach out to others, especially those who have been there before. There are so very many resources out there, take advantage of them. With some foresight and work you can certainly make it through.