Anger Management in Eight Steps

Read any paper today and you find news of violence caused by anger. School shootings, road bullying, workplace rudeness, domestic violence and almost all conflicts between couples are caused by uncontrolled anger. Many large and respected studies have found that at least one third of all marriages have episodes of domestic violence. Studies have also found that at least a million kids in the USA are physically assaulted in their homes. Uncontrolled anger can destroy personal and professional relationships.

What is anger?

Anger is not one emotion but a cocktail of emotions connected to our brains and behaviour. Once anger starts, we start to experience change through the body. And that change prepares the body to face threat or what it perceives as threat. The feeling of anger originates in the limbic system of the brain, around the mid part of the brain. Amygdala, which is part of this system stores emotional memories and this actually triggers angers from the past on top of what you are experiencing in the present. We cannot control the amygdala from sending you “old anger” but we can control our respond to it.

Angry feelings are “hard-wired” in humans. It is part of survival. It is part of our protection dating back to the days when our ancestors were hunting for lunch and running the risk ending up as lunch themselves. It is impossible to never get angry not to mention absurd and that is not anger management.

Anger management is about choosing our respond to the situations that makes us angry. Anger management is about harnessing the energy released by anger into something useful. Those who manage their angers enjoy a healthy relationship with others and get more of the needs fulfilled.

Mastering anger is not easy but with the right help and guidance it can be achieved. The eight steps described below are helpful tips to manage anger.

Step 1 – Recognize Stress
Stress is the usual trigger that changes our mood from feeling calm and peaceful to being angry. Whether the cause of stress is internal or external, our brain activates an old powerful defence mechanism, the “fight or flight” response. Thus it important to recognize stress and bring it under control before it anger creeps in.

Step 2 - Learn to Empathize
Remember that everyone is fighting their own battle in life. Be aware of the mood of people around you and their feelings on certain subjects. The ability to accurately sense emotions around us helps us to make positive and enriching connections with our fellow humans.

Step 3 – Don’t React But Respond
Do not react to situations. When you feel a rush of blood to the head, pause and think. Remember that you have a choice. And you are in charge. You will find that feeling of not letting others control; you liberating.

Step 4 – Change the Self-Talk
An important tool in managing anger is the way you talk to yourself. Learn to change the self –talk empowers you to effectively deal with anger in terms of how strongly you feel and how you express your anger.

Step 5 – Use Assertive Communication
Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. Being assertive communicator means using the right words, tone and body language to effectively and honestly convey our feelings to others. This is far more powerful than being aggressive.

Step 6 – Be Realistic
When you set your expectations too high and find that it is not met, more often than not you will find yourself angry. Learn to be flexible in your expectations and always be alert of the realities of life.

Step 7 – Learn to Forgive
Most anger management coach will tell you that this is the most important step in letting go of angers. Learning to forgive others who we feel had hurt us demands a lot from us and it is never easy. But we have to learn to forgive for our own sake and peace of mind.

Step 8 – Retreat, Relax and Ponder
The daily grind of life can take its toll on the human body and soul. It is important that you retreat and learn to slow your mind and ponder upon your life. You can do this daily before retiring every night or weekly, but whatever your preferred method, do not miss it.

You must keep in mind that anger can cause you to live a life full of regrets and to lean to manage it is utmost important to the quality of life you wish to lead.