If You Can't Change Your Reality, Change Your Mindset By Hilda Carroll At Isnare.com Ezine Articles

Coaching is all about change. Clients hire coaches because they wish to change something about their lives; because they believe that this change will make them happy.

And as a coach I am all for changing any part of our reality that we are less than satisfied with. But the truth of the matter is that some realities cannot be changed by the individual. Some realities we just have to live through.

Part of life involves coping with difficult circumstances beyond our control. But there is good news: even when our external situation isn’t one we can alter physically, we do have complete control of how we experience the circumstance. Even if it doesn’t always seem that way, we do have a choice about how we experience each and every event in our lives.

When those events are less than favourable, it’s easy to focus on the problem, become disheartened, disillusioned, even depressed. However, this won’t help us deal with the problem or work our way through it. Often we may have to work really hard to see the silver lining, but it’s an effort worth making. If we make a conscious choice to seek a learning or an opportunity in every challenge that life throws up, we often discover (albeit, quite a bit down the line) that we gained something valuable from the experience.

“Why do you think they call the present a gift? It means that there is always a positive in every present moment, if you’re willing and able to see it. Usually, we’re either too upset, frustrated, or self-righteous to even want to look.” -- Thomas Leonard

The best way to deal with difficult situations is to accept them as they are, rather than struggling with them, and wishing they were different. Once we accept what is, it becomes easier to see ways to learn and grow from the experience. It also makes it easier to see practical ways to deal with the situation, identify means of coping with it and (most importantly) begin to move through it.

Remind yourself that “this too will pass”, and wonder what unexpected blessing you’ll discover originated with this experience when you later look back on it. In the midst of crisis, reassure yourself that although you can’t see or imagine it now, there is something beneficial to be gained from what you’re going through. Try and keep an eye out for what it might be. But even if it still escapes you, trust that it’s there and you will recognize it later.

Contrary to what they say, life is a bed of roses. But when you prick yourself on a thorn, it temporarily shifts your focus from the blossom. Next time that happens attend to your wound, make a mental note to wear protective gloves next time, and then get back to appreciating the flower.

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