When I was living with my room mate(s) a lot of people would come over and leave the door wide open and my dog Barosa would run off and we would have to chase her down, luckily we had obtain/attracted some really good hearted people over in this area and they would bring her home a lot of the time.
One time she ran off and I had caught a glimpse of her running past the window and didn’t really think about it, but later after I saw that no body was outside with her and she ran off, I went looking for her. I couldn’t find her, so I did what I normally did when this happened. I waited…. I waited and waited and waited. I finally for the day closed up the house and went to sleep, the next day I waited and waited and waited, no avail she didn’t come back. A week or so into this someone came up on our lawn and stole our lawn mower – I didn’t really think to much about this, but it proved to be a very important attraction even though I didn’t see it as a bad thing then (still isn’t) — (it was a crappy lawn mower anyway ;) ).
2 months went by and Barosa still had not come home and I was beginning to become very worried for my little fury friend. At this time in Colorado we had a heavy winter and the spring/summer rains we’re coming down in record fall. The lawn out front had become a jungle! Although it was just “weeds” in many people’s opinions. I had brought a chair and table out near the fence where it had become the largest area of plant growth. It was absolutely beautiful and relaxing to sit out in this oasis of plants, it was cool (the air) and alive!! All these plants we’re of different species and they all blended together to create a garden effect – like it was suppose to be there just like this for me.
But, since we we’re on a main street, the city didn’t see the beauty I saw in this personal garden, so I was demanded to take it down. But since I had no lawn mower to do so I was given a weed whacker… Well, needless to say, it wasn’t very effective and I used it for so long and it worked so hard the motor began to metal away the plastic and I started inhaling this toxic (most likely Chinese made lol) smoke. I didn’t really think to much of it other then, “this is not good”. I soon gave up on weed whacking because it was literally falling apart and melting.
3 or 4 days went by and my friend was still no were in site, but one morning which I will never forget I awoke with a massive pressure/pain in my chest and it stayed around for 20 so minutes and went away I didn’t know what it was but it went away and I was glad! But the very next day I woke up to it again and this pain, would stick with me for over a month an a half, none stop and at one time created so much pain and fear inside me that I was rushed to the hospital because I felt as if I had an infection that was spreading from lungs to my heart, I felt my heart slow and sputter and spit and puff and drop. I couldn’t sleep laying down all the way I had to sleep sitting up for this month and the only thing that helped me sleep was smoking marijuana.
If I had a time in my life I felt the most alone, this was the time. One night I was sitting in the computer room on the mattress left in there and my friends came over and they had ate some schrooms (magic mushrooms) and they we’re tripping and I sat in the other room in so much pain I felt like slipping away to escape the pain, my friend Apex and Steve felt my pain from the other room and Apex came in and held my hand and I felt him send as much healing as he knew how to send to me. In my time of darkness it was a gift from heaven to have someone touch me and pull me back during this time. This night I couldn’t fall asleep and we had went out that night in Steve’s car to find some Chronic (marijuana) – I was in too much pain and I didn’t have any.
So we went to my parents house around 6-7ish in the morning because I couldn’t find anyone during the early morning hours to buy from. So I showed up and I ashamedly begged and then demanded that they give me some of theirs, they did and I felt at my lowest! But I assured myself it wasn’t like I was there for recreational purposes I truly needed something and I don’t take pain pills or any kind of pills for that matter that are not herbs or whole foods. Apex, Steve and I drove straight up the road, up to Green Mountain (Hayden Park) and walked a hill into the dirt path and watched the sun rise as we smoked.
Funny though, Apex fell asleep on the dirt path over the hill we’re Steve and I had stopped and decided to talk for awhile. We smoked and the pain lowered and as the sun came up I felt renewed, it was a very neat morning after the pain went away, I was able to see the lay lines in the sky that morning, something I only heard from Steve from when he would trip on Acid. I finally went back home and I went through out that day.
Several more weeks went on like this and still, no Barosa. One week I finally decided to take ample doses of a whole food supplement called Juice Plus+ I had not been taking it for the past months so I had several months to catch up on. So I did, I used an entire month within the next 3-4 days. One night, as I laid on the mattress that sat in the computer room I felt a crack in my chest while I was “automatic writing” on my computer – it was my shackles falling off, the pain decreased dramatically and I fell quickly asleep (laying completely down). I cried relief as I drifted asleep and I was so happy and grateful. I never believed I would be so grateful for my ability to breathe normally in my life. Even so, after I was in a deadly car accident and my lung collapsed I still felt in control, but during this month of growth I was not.
For the next several days I completely healed up and my life was renewed! I felt ALIVE! I was so happy and grateful it was like I brushed death again and came out to become stronger and more sincere with my dealings in life. My dog was still gone though, but by this time she had been gone for 3 or so months. One night soon afterward I did a tarot reading on her using my Tao Oracle (I-Ching Deck) it showed in the cards she might still be alive, but I didn’t think much about it. A couple weeks later I was given a job by my father to do an open house at one of his properties (to show the house to potential renters). I brought my computer and I ended up writing Alchemy & the Ego Death that day for my new friend Kylie. (you can view it by clicking HERE)
I had brought some marijuana with me and I had smoked a whole pipe to myself because I hadn’t seen one person come up to the house all day, but this is something I usually only do if I’m going to meditate or do yoga. Well I decided to do another Tarot reading of my dog Barosa, and the cards came out saying that she’s returning to the source in all the cards. Well I saw that this was a sign that she had passed on and she had some how died. I thought about it and I started doing some Hatha Yoga and in the middle of it, I thought to myself how lucky I was to have such a remarkable animal and how much I loved her! I was so grateful, so absolutely grateful that I fell to my knees in tears and allowed her spirit and any sense of her loss to pass through me with peace and tranquility. It was such a unforgettable experience, I sat there is wonderment and excitement that “I!!” was the one that found her that day at the pound and how she had become such a great friend and companion.
After an hour or so of yoga and finishing my article of Alchemy I packed up and went back home and went to sleep. The next morning I semi-woke up and saw that the sky was turning light purple as the sun began to rise in the sky. I smiled and went back to sleep. I soon woke up, but I couldn’t believe my eye! Was I asleep still… My dog had jumped up on the bed and was shouting little short yelps of excitement as she licked me and jumped all around my huge king sized bed! I was totally in shock! I quickly went out into the living room and there my room mate stood in complete shock as well.
“She was just waiting outside the door, I had this feeling to get up and go check out back…” he said
Can you believe that? One night went by after my extreme gratefulness and there she was, living, breathing and in front of me. She was also so very excited to be back it was a very magical day. In that time she had left by the time she came back I had gone through the depths of hell and back with nothing but a smile and a grateful heart. This very point in my life thought me the personal experience of true gratitude and from then on, she has continued to help me by reminding me in other ways. It is also her that pushed me to start hiking and ultimately give me my life goal of climbing Mt. Everest.
Unless the world blows up by 2012 I know I will climb Mt. Everest in a project that I created called “The Beacons of Peace”, even though I feel scared out of my mind when I astral project to Mt. Everest I still look up and see the challenges that await me there and it reminds me to continue living, to this day I still move towards that goal that she had moved me in front of one very cold night on top of Green Mountain!
So there you have it, the power of gratitude! My teacher… a dog… how remarkable! Don’t under estimate where you might find your personal experience – be it in sickness or through a person or situation when it comes, you’ll know with out doubt it’s your time to know the power of gratitude!