Upon finding out that your husband or wife has cheated you will have to face a fair volley of anger provoking thoughts. One of the first things coming to mind is "I'm going to kill him!" or "I'm going to kill her!" Natural responses to a situation that can resemble having your heart ripped out of your chest and then handed back to you on a silver platter with a note that says "I don't want this anymore!"
Then once you have calmed yourself, the second solution may be along the lines of: "I'm going to leave."
But these are just reactions provoked by the anger of not being able to understand why this has happened.
The feeling of being cheated on creates a tidal wave in the balance of the victims core. It is devastating, derailing, upsetting, and horrible and leaves the victim feeling worthless and unwanted.
So, what should a person do in a situation like this? Leaving could be the most satisfying choice at the time of discovery - after the affair, because without the presence of your cheating spouse, you think you can heal your hurt and learn to morph the anger into focusing more on your work and / or your children.
For all the reasons you have ever been taught you should leave your cheating spouse, but it is important to remember that there are reasons why you might want to consider staying with your spouse and rebuilding your relationship - despite the fact they have cheated on you.
1. It is likely that there is no clear reason as to why your spouse cheated on you. Therefore, you should not decide to leave on a whim without first trying to understand the whole story.
2. Consider the fact that you still have unfinished plans together as a couple. Especially if you have kids. It would just disappoint you to know that all the plans you have made together would just vanish.
Of course, cheating is a real blow to your marital unit, however you can not afford to spend the rest of your life thinking you could have or should have saved your marriage when the simple truth is that you CAN.
3. Your children will be saddened by the departure of their mother or father. If they are young, they will not understand what all the fuss is about, but if they are old enough to understand what has happened, they may be left wondering why you are unable to put the past behind you and rebuild.
4. Is it worth staying married to a cheating spouse? The answer is a definite NO if the spouse is going to re-offend. If however, he or she is willing to earn back the trust and rebuild then the cheating becomes just another bump in the marital road (a big one) that needs to be overcome.
In order to find a gem, you will first need to hack away at the stone, then it needs polishing. But not just once. Gems need polishing and even reshaping once in a while. Marriages do too.
After the affair you are going to have to learn some positive steps to create new levels of trust, honesty and intimacy with your partner. Don't let a stubbornness to mistrust your partner ruin your chances of rebuilding your relationship and making it better than ever before. It can be done!
Learn to 'Admire' and 'Appreciate' your spouses and get over the crippling roadblock that is infidelity.
After the affair - Regardless of whichever party was at fault - Your relationship CAN be rebuilt.
After The Affair
- Regardless of whichever party was at fault - Your relationship CAN be rebuilt. By the way for a quick start guide on what to do after the affair to get ball rolling back in the right direction, visit: www.aftertheaffair.info