Today I'm going to go over the top 12 signs of a cheating lover, and by top I mean the ones that are the most likely to indicate infidelity. I'm doing this to help prevent the damage and emotional trauma that victims of cheating suffer from--millions are taken advantage of and hurt by cheaters every year, and many times the damage would have been far less if they had just been alerted early on, if they had just known some of the following warning signs and acted on them.
In the 13 years I've been a private investigator I've seen the following scenario play out time and again: a distraught spouse or lover finally gets the courage to end their relationship with their cheating partner after having their infidelity shoved in their face one to many times, after having been emotionally and psychologically abused, and by this point they're in a very sorry state and display all the classical signs of a domestic violent abuse victim: depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, self-blaming, etc. But the thing is that their lover wasn't the typical abuser, they didn't lay a hand on them and almost never raised their voice in anger, but they have hurt and diminished their lover to the point where they are physically ill, psychologically scarred, and may even require hospitalization because of their multiple sexual affairs that they conducted with complete disregard for their partner and their feelings.
Don't live in denial thinking that it can't happen to you, remember that the earlier you catch it the less you'll be hurt and humiliated, and remember the following major warnings signs:
1. By far, the most important thing I want you to keep in mind is the universal indicator of infidelity, it occurs in every single case: sudden behavior changes. If I could drill just one thing to look for into your head that you'll remember for the rest of your life, it's this one. Though you need to remember that this doesn't automatically mean there's cheating, of course, just because they suddenly start acting weird doesn't automatically mean they're cheating on you.
They suddenly start wanting to go places by themselves. They stay out late at meetings they didn't tell you they would be having or other events they didn't tell you about ahead of time. They're often on the phone at times they didn't used to be. They start participating in sports, hobbies, or clubs they never used to be interested in and it feels like they don't want you to participate.
2. They suddenly start working out and losing weight, they join a gym, get a trainer, etc. Also, basically anything else that would improve their appearance such as nice, new clothes or jewelry, cologne/perfume, or they suddenly develop an interest in fashion they never had before.
3. They suddenly start working a lot of overtime or having to stay late at the office, but when you get a chance to talk to some of your partner's coworkers and you mention all the overtime they've been having to work recently they don't know what you're talking about--hmm...
4. They try to keep you from showing up unexpectedly at work or other certain places and when you do they get irrationally upset and seem nervous about 'something'.
5. Their underwear or other clothes smell like a type of perfume or cologne that you don't wear…obvious one, I know, but it happens and a lot of people would never think to check for this.
6. They suddenly aren't interested in you sexually anymore. This is a really common and reliable sign that's especially so if this has never happened before with them. It's possible that it could be due to a medical condition (if your partner is male, maybe they've got erectile dysfunction of some sort), but it's unlikely, the far more likely explanation is that they're getting it elsewhere and so they don't need to get it from you anymore.
7. Go through their purse or wallet, this is a great source for clues: look for receipts from restaurants they don't take you to or that, at least, you didn't go to them with on that date, especially if it was obviously a meal for two people (also, if your partner is male and you see the other person had a raspberry chocolitini or a peach daquiri, errmm…I suppose that could've been another man, but I don't think so), ticket stubs from events you didn't know they went to, a phone number scribbled on a piece of paper with a suspicious name you've never heard of (always a good clue...), receipts from places like massage parlors or strip clubs, and condoms when two of you don't use them and haven't used them in quite a while.
8. They try to keep you from seeing certain files or e-mails on their computer by either password protecting it or encrypting it, or they take it a step further and actually lock up their laptop (often it'll be their work laptop) somewhere, frequently they'll put it in their car and sometimes even go so far as to remove their car keys from your keychain. Also, they may try to secretly get a safe deposit box--if they've got one, will they tell you what's in it, if not why not? They may also attempt to hide things in a small lockbox that will be hidden away somewhere like under the bed, in an air duct, the attic, or a shed.
9. They suddenly start spending a lot more time away with 'friends' who, when you question them later, tell you that they've barely seen your partner lately, and it's especially suspicious if they say they definitely were not with them when your partner claims that they were.
10. They make sure you don't get to see their various financial records (bank and credit card statements, etc.) and bills, especially phone bills by either getting to them first and then hiding or destroying them or, even more suspicious, they have them sent to another address like a P.O. Box or their office.
11. They're suddenly late for stuff they'd never normally be late for, such as dinner or when they get home from work, especially if it's more than just a few minutes here or there (e.g. a couple of hours late when they never used to do that).
12. Someone calls your home phone or your partners cell phone and if you pick up, they hang up immediately. Here's a very sneaky little tip for you a lot of people don't know about: you can unblock a blocked number, there are services that do that--if you think that might come in handy for you, I highly recommend you have a look at this article: unblock a number